


Killing Intent, Death Instinct

by voguelight (sulfurus)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Anal Sex, Assassins & Hitmen, Attempted Dismemberment, BDSM, Blood Kink, Blood and Gore, Breathplay, Cannibalism, Character Death, Cigarettes, Edgeplay, Frottage, Graphic Description of Corpses, Immortality, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Knives, M/M, Masochism, Murder, Mutilation, Nudity, Oral Sex, Psychological Torture, Risk Aware Consensual Kink, Sadism, Self-Mutilation, Supernatural Elements, Temporary Character Death, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-02-24 23:20:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22086181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sulfurus/pseuds/voguelight
Summary: !please consider the tags before progressing with the story! additional tags may be added on a chapter per chapter basis. there will be no individual chapter warnings.Joshua can have anything he wants, or so he thinks, until he discovers there are things money cannot buy. Things he can never get. Things he pursues anyway. Fortunately, people like Jeonghan don't use money as currency, and when they settle on a price tag, it may be far too steep for Joshua to pay.A psychological horror story about descent into madness, murder, sex, and what lack of consequences does to people.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 48





	1. Curiosity

**Author's Note:**

> REMEMBER TO READ THE TAGS BEFORE PROCEEDING
> 
> This is not a happy story neither is the main focus of it on love and romance, and this is the last warning I'm giving. Now that this bit is behind me, hello and welcome everyone who thinks that death and torture makes for great light reading.  
> In the light of recent and not-so-recent heartbreaking events in the Korean music industry I realized this story is verging on improper. However, I believe in freedom of word and expression, and in my opinion the charm of dark and twisted stories lays in the fact that all the dark and twisted things are not portrayed as good, nor are they romanticized. Not a glorification of a real problem - death and obsession - but rather a story about the horror of it, neutral and naturalistic.  
> Of course, the discussion on this topic changes shape drastically when we take into factor the fact that the piece in discussion is a fanfiction about real people. For me, and many others, such fanfiction, especially an alternate universe based one, is nothing more but a fully fictonal story where the names and faces of the characters I'm reading or writing about just so happen to match with someone that exists. Not even speculations or my takes on real events, just purely fiction. However, that is not the case for everyone, since some people want to imagine that there's some truth in the works of fiction they're reading, and no matter my opinion on such approach, I have to acknowledge that it exists.  
> I have taken some artistic liberties to help my point of view come across. The idols whose faces I've borrowed for this are purposely written "out of character", differently from what we perceive to be their real personality, in some cases to the extreme. I have further made sure that other facts about them, such as their families, education, in some cases countries they grew up in and birthdays differ from reality, all in attempt to draw a thick line between real life and fiction. Despite all that, I think that the single most differentiating from reality factor should be the circumstances I am putting the characters in - crime, terror and immorality.  
> I hope this doesn't have to be said, but I want to explicitly state it anyway: I do not imagine any of the idols this piece of fan fiction depicts would ever do the things I'm writing about. I do not claim this is a correct assessment of their personalities or tendencies. I do not wish to see them in such or similar situations in reality. Furthermore I do not condone or support nor is it my goal to romanticize or fetishize any of the crime and pain I am depicting.  
> If you have trouble comprehending that this work is purely a fictional what-if horror story with no reflection on reality other than names and looks, please refrain from reading. Thank you for understanding.  
> Now for a brighter note: I want to deeply thank Ellie for supporting me, helping me solve moral dillemas, and inspiring me all throughout the writing process until the very end. Without your help and watchful editor's eye I don't think this work would ever be complete. Another big thank you goes to my great friend Rachel, who always supports me in my artistic endeavors, despite not always being on board. Finally, I also want to thank another person who unknowingly inspired me to come up with this in the first place, and whom I no longer have any contact with, for reasons unknown. Shall you stumble upon this, I hope you will enjoy my filthy rich murder boy Josh as much as I enjoyed yours. The diamond choker lives on.  
> All of that being said, thank you, dear reader, for at least giving this story a try, and I hope you will enjoy the ride.

With each day driving Jeonghan closer to his untimely demise, Joshua would have assumed the man to be more afraid. If he wasn’t the fearful type, then more on the edge, more uhinged. He’d even take fits of ecstasy and mania over the casual nonchalance and merry hedonism Jeonghan was displaying since their first meeting. No hidden motives, no other layers, just overindulgence and opulence.

In his attempts to analyze and understand Jeonghan, Joshua realized that there’s probably nothing to look for. No existential crisis explaining the lack of fear, just lack of understanding when it comes to the consequences. Jeonghan must’ve been a rich boy that’s here for a good time, not for a long time, and is willing to pay a lot to get what he wants. Not like Joshua could argue with that logic, not really.

When you have money, you spend it, Joshua knew that in the same way people know how to pray. He broke rules Monday to Friday, and then paid off fines on Saturday like it was a shopping trip. If Jeonghan was good at spending money, Joshua was even better. Between buying friends, love, and fame, he felt like if he tried hard enough, he’d be able to buy a cure for boredom.

He bought drugs. He paid off lovers. He bought entertainment companies and clubs and shares and pitted them against each other and watched them collapse and burn, and then returned home, alone, sober, and stared out of the window as the night morphed into day, nursing his thoughts like a glass of whisky, empty. The boredom grew. It got hungry. It was inevitable.

Money gave him everything asked for, and then took all the fun out of it. If he changed it all around, he wondered, if he just found one, single thing that money can’t buy, surely the sea of hunger raging inside of him would finally quiet down. All Joshua had to do was find that one thing he couldn't have, and then get it.

In a blink of an eye, a memory came to him, clear as day, of the windy night when he finally realized what that one thing was. The tree branches smacking violently against the windows, noise interrupting the soft jazz playing in the background. He could remember the smell, the metallic, bitter smell and the thick smoke. He could remember the dying man, and his choked, ghastly sobs. 

“Look,” said the voice in his memories. A businessman, he called himself, although others called him a gang leader. Joshua didn’t call him anything, not bothering to name another face in the crowd. He spoke like a seasoned executioner. “This is how we deal with traitors.”

Something in Joshua trembled. It brought out another memory then, and it did again now, much less vivid but much more raw. Primal. He blinked, and it was gone. 

He focused on the smell of death. The sudden change in the air when the man died, and the odour Joshua immediately felt cling to his skin and clothes. Another sentence, cutting cleanly through the ringing in his ears. “He knew what he was doing, selling my girl out. Now this is the price he has to pay,” every word recorded in his memory.

Something he can't get. Something that's so priceless it's an arbitrary concept with no value. Something that's the ultimate price tag a human can pay, and yet that has no price tag. A life; and if buying a human life meant playing God, then Joshua could only admit there were no other roles left for him to play.

Months passed before he found out he's not the only one consumed by a desire of this magnitude. In the dark corners of the Internet, others like him have made a home for themselves and arranged meetings, for purposes very similar to what he intended. Some itched to own others. Some craved a forbidden flavor. And just as there were people begging to be owned, giving away their lives, souls, flesh, when he seeked to put a price on a human life, someone spoke up, seeking to cash in the cheque.

Four nights in the Peninsula Hong Kong, then two on Joshua’s private island. A cruise on Joshua’s private yacht even if Jeonghan didn’t know how to steer one and would probably crash it. Two bottles of red wine from Bordeaux a day. Three strippers, all of them on their knees and with their dicks on full display. Coke. Sex. Joshua granting his every single wish for a week.

That was the price Jeonghan put on his life.

They didn’t sign papers, agreeing they’re both sensible people and realize the legal implications of a contract on one’s death are naught, really. They just shook hands like businessmen before fucking out of the club and into the Peninsula where Joshua was promptly instructed to call for some pretty guys, to pay them to dance and have fun, to let them take whatever they wanted and drink whatever they could find, just because Jeonghan liked it when people watched him fuck, but pretended they didn’t. Joshua obeyed.

Six nights went by faster than Jisoo could have ever imagined. By the end their bodies seemed to fit into each other like puzzle pieces. Joshua felt his heart go through all different rhythms, pounding like a hammer and calm like the sea before the storm. His lips got loose, and he babbled, and then he got himself together time and time again. And then the day came.

Joshua slipped his gaze from Jeonghan’s hair to his throat, observing the way Jeonghan’s Adam’s apple bobbed.

“Why aren’t you eating?” He asked, plopping a peeled lychee fruit into his mouth and spitting out the pit somewhere outside of the bed, and then licking his fingers clean. 

“Shua, darling,” Jeonghan purred, as he often would, when he wanted something, anything from the man. Joshua heard it more than often. “When you die, your bowels empty, and I don’t think it’d be very sexy of me to shit myself.”

Joshua’s mouth once again went dry with the realization that Jeonghan indeed knows what he’s doing.

“However you wish,” he agreed politely, but he felt like maybe he should thank Jeonghan for the consideration.

“Do you wanna do it while fucking? Or just randomly?”

Joshua swallowed heavily.

“Shua?”

The pet name made Joshua’s fingers twitch and curl into fists unknowingly. It was all he wanted. It disgusted him all the same.

“I want to do it right now,” he lied. Jeonghan laughed.

“Oh my, my. I knew you couldn’t get your mind off it, but I didn’t think you’re so desperate.” He shifted a little and the motion made the silk robe he was wearing slip off. Jeonghan’s smooth thighs and soft cock were on full display and he didn’t mind it, not one bit. He walked across the room towards Joshua and sat right next to him.

“Alright.”

“Alright.” Joshua echoed. 

Jeonghan smiled knowingly. “Alright, then.”

“Are you really ready?”

“Don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts?” Jeonghan snickered, his cheeky grin growing wider. “I told you already, I had nothing to lose since the moment I agreed to meet you in that dingy club.”

Joshua tried not to think about how that ‘dingy club’ had marble floors and french crystal glassware, but he did, and his cock twitched impatiently.

“I wanna do it while fucking,” he changed his mind, and all but crawled on top of Jeonghan, who lay down readily, back half-against the headboard, shoving his thighs between Joshua’s and pushing his robe open wider until it was but another piece of silk underneath him.

“Choke me, baby,” Jeonghan half-joked.

Joshua grew even harder. He spit on Jeonghan’s still soft dick and spread it with his hand until he could sit on the cock and feel it slip comfortably between his asscheeks and underneath his balls. Jeonghan grabbed his hips, and he slid forwards and backwards, enjoying the friction.

“That’s not even proper fucking.”

“I don’t care,” Joshua breathed, and then realized he really didn’t.

“You’re so fucking impatient. That’s so sexy.”

The word ‘sexy’ coming out of Jeonghan’s mouth in the context of his own death made Joshua’s head spin. He calmed himself down with a long breath. He let his fingers crawl up Jeonghan’s torso and onto his collarbones.

He could do it, he reminded himself. It was a transaction. Jeonghan agreed to it. He put a price on his own life and Joshua paid it, he fulfilled his end of the bargain and he was now allowed to take what he deserved. He wasn’t a murderer. He was an executor.

“Any last words?”

Jeonghan smiled. “Shua, darling…” He started, but couldn’t finish. Josua wrapped his fingers around Jeonghan’s throat and squeezed.

They would often breathplay. Joshua knew perfectly when to stop to make Jeonghan gasp, how long to go on anyway to make him wheeze and cough. How hard to press to make Jeonghan choke and how many seconds he had after Jeonghan’s hand flew up and grabbed him by the wrist, limply, as if he both wanted to stop Joshua and didn’t, really. He knew exactly when to pull back for Jeonghan be alright.

And then he didn’t.

He could see Jeonghan’s lips quiver more than usual. He got ugly, Joshua thought, he puffed his cheeks and grabbed Joshua’s wrist tightly, and then even tighter. He shook and got pale, and then red, and then almost purple. Joshua slid forwards and backwards again, delicious friction on his dick and under his balls, and he squeezed as hard as he could, high on the power, on the absolute raw power of having someone’s life in his hands. The only feeling more powerful, he thought, is actually taking that life.

Before he could realize what he’s doing, he grabbed Jeonghan’s neck with both of his hands and lifted it off the bed, and smashed it down with absolute ease. Jeonghan’s eyes rolled into the back of his head, and there was not enough life in him to protest. Not at all.

The headboard behind them was a metal one. One they could easily tie or handcuff each other to. One Joshua could easily smash Jeonghan’s head against, over and over, first just hearing thuds and then cracks, and then wet splatters, until his hands hurt from gripping so hard for so long and his breath was rapid, uneven, and his thighs quivering.

Jeonghan’s hair was blonde no more. 

Joshua reached to touch it, still entranced, tangled his fingers in the wet red, and then retracted his hand in panic. His dick was still hard, he realized, and touched it instinctively, spreading Jeonghan’s blood all over his shaft. That was enough to break his trance.

He tried to call god, but he choked on his words, still panting heavily, and now starting to hyperventilate, looking at his bloody hand and Jeonghan’s bloody, bloody head.

His face was oddly relaxed, empty, eyes as unreflective as always. From the back of his head, blood was seeping into the silk sheets and the mattress, dripping from the bedframe and Joshua’s own hands. It made his head spin into a cacophony of noises, images, feelings foreign as well as long forgotten all fighting to take control over him, make him spiral down, make him lose his mind, telling him to get up, get off Jeonghan, get off and away, run and run and never look back.

Step after step, he walked backwards and into the bathroom. He scrubbed his hands, washing the blood off frantically, and then rinsed his dick, too. It was still hard. He tried to not think about it. Leaning back against a wall, back pressed to the cold tiles, he forced himself to calm down before he dared to look into the mirror.

He wasn’t a murderer, he told himself and the reflection both. He might have killed a man, he might have taken someone’s life, but it was a transaction. The one thing without a price was now his. The right to Jeonghan’s life, he bought it, and then he took it as agreed. If anything, he was an executioner. A debt collector.

There was no reason for him to feel bad, he breathed in and out and realized that on a deep level. And he didn’t. Shaken, sure. Panicked. But bad? No. He felt complete.

The intoxicating feeling was slowly fading away and he was able to focus on Jeonghan. Dead, in Joshua’s bed, on Joshua’s private island. No one would come looking for him there, Joshua was aware, as per their agreement, and yet he felt the urge to destroy the evidence immediately. Remove all traces of Jeonghan from his island. Burn the body, maybe even the house. 

If anyone ever came searching, looking, asking, Joshua had enough money to shut a lot of people up. And if money wasn’t enough, there would be no trace of what happened left. That was the plan. So if he had that under wraps, he thought, maybe he didn’t have to rush. Maybe he could go back, touch Jeonghan again, feel him become cold. See him dead as a roadkill.

He walked back into the bedroom. Jeonghan was precisely where Joshua left him, the same absent expression on his bed, but slightly more pale. Some urine stained the silk robe under Jeonghan’s ass.

Joshua peeled a lychee and ate it. It tasted sweet. It made his fingers sticky. He spit the pit out onto the floor before walking up to the bed and checking Jeonghan’s pulse. It was gone. There was nothing. No matter how much he pressed his ear to Jeonghan’s chest he could not hear anything. 

He tried touching Jeonghan’s chest, caressing his bruised, damaged neck, his pale face. He even touched some of the blood, but it was cold and thick, and disgusting. Jeonghan was dead. Joshua slowly got used to the thought. He killed him. He kept his end of the bargain, Jeonghan kept his.

Joshua wasn’t a smoker, but he went through three cigarettes on his balcony, staring off into the coastline and making mental notes about who recommended which cleaning services to be the most discreet. Halfway though the fourth cigarette, he grew tired of the smoke and threw it away into the foliage under the building. He briefly wondered if it was enough to start a forest fire, but found himself uncaring, and walked back inside his bedroom. 

“Shua, darling, I believe that’s not what we agreed on.” The voice shocked Joshua. 

Jeonghan was sitting on the bed, next to the bloody stain, playing with his dirty hair impatiently.

Joshua closed his eyes. Then he opened them slowly. Jeonghan was still on the bed, sitting, breathing and moving unlike a corpse should.

Joshua did the only thing that was left for crazy people to do when they realized they went crazy. He laughed.

“Are you quite done?” Jeonghan sounded pissed.

“Me?” He laughed some more. “God almighty, was there something in the lychees?”

Jeonghan got up from the bed and walked to one of the full length mirrors covering the walls of Joshua’s bedroom. He looked closely at himself, piss stain on the robe and blood congealed down his jaw, on his bruised neck and in his hair, taking all of it in. He seemed so real Joshua admired his own brain for creating such vivid visions.

“The sooner you calm down and get over the fact that I’m not dead the faster we get to the part where I fuck your throat.”

Joshua walked up to Jeonghan fully expecting his hand to phase through where he tried to touch him, but it did not. Right. It’s a hallucination, not a hologram, he thought. Obviously it would take over all his senses.

Jeonghan looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Jisoo, I thought you’re better than this. I’m real. You’re not mad, I’m not dead. Come on. Get it together.”

It took Joshua a couple of minutes of staring at his own hands, then at the empty bed, and then at the back of Jeonghan’s head, where a gaping hole in his head was continuously getting smaller and smaller until it eventually disappeared into nothing but dirty skin, until he came to terms with what happened. He poured himself a glass of the wine that Jeonghan so greedily requested, and forced it down all at once.

“An apology is in order,” Jeonghan got the dirty robe off himself and found a clean one to throw on his back.

Joshua just continued to stare.

“We agreed on strangulation, not spastic bashing my head in against a fucking bedframe,” he crossed his arms.

“I’m… Sorry?” Joshua couldn’t believe those words were leaving his mouth.

“Whatever.” Jeonghan sat on the bed, far away from the blood stain. “You’re going to suck my dick and you’re going to do it now. That’s the absolute least I deserve for having to wash blood out of my hair.”

Joshua couldn’t remember what he said between getting back from the liquor bar and kneeling between Jeonghan’s thighs, but it made Jeonghan chuckle, not unkindly, so it had to be the right thing. He could only remember how warm Jeonghan’s skin was, and how his dick felt exactly the way it felt the first day they met, as if he was never, not for a moment, stone cold dead.


	2. Involvement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Joshua wants more, of what exactly? He doesn't know, but he wants more, and he might just get more than he bargained for. In which Jeonghan is not cheap.

It took Joshua three sleepless nights and a fourth one full of nightmares to wrap his head around what happened on his island. He woke up in cold sweat, mirage of screaming pumas and flowing blood, and light blonde, almost white hair. He killed a man, saw his blood, and then saw the man come back, effortlessly, like snow coming back in the winter. It was impossible to stop thinking about.

That morning Joshua gave an old friend a call, inviting him over for a more serious chat. They picked the most private of Joshua’s offices and opened a bourbon.

“You know, Jacob, I knew you’d understand,” Joshua smiled cheekily, for the first time since the island.

“Come on, Josh. Like I was never obsessed with a pretty boy.” He laughed, and it was a pleasant sound, warm, hushed. Yet, Joshua didn’t like it. Jeonghan’s laugh was better.

“About the forum…” He started, and Jacob waved his hand dismissively.

“I don’t have to know why you were on there. I don’t ask, you don’t ask.” He sipped on his alcohol before continuing. “The less I know, the better.”

Joshua shook his head. “Not quite what I was getting at, but I agree. The less you know, the better.”

“Then what?”

“I want to surprise him a little. Make extra sure he doesn’t get suspicious.” If Joshua was some sort of immortal being, he’d be extra wary of getting followed. He assumed Jeonghan would know what to look out for.

“Is he a big fish? Like, on the dark web?” 

“It’s just that for the dark web, the forum has a lot of crawlers. He’s going to be prepared.” That was as much information as Joshua was willing to give Jacob, considering how much he had to pay.

The worst prices always came not in money, but in favors. For Jacob to find Jeonghan, Joshua was to owe him a big one. 

Joshua knew better than to expect results after one or two days, but after three, he got impatient. After four, he thought about calling Jacob to check in. After five, he felt like the inside of his skin was itching with anticipation and desire. It wasn’t just the haunting image of Jeonghan’s hair, turning from silvery white to deep red and then back again. It wasn’t just the distaste on his tongue from any wine that wasn’t from Bordeaux.

It was the soul-shaking, mind-numbing knowledge of the fact that if Jeonghan sold his life once, and got it back, he could sell it again, for Joshua to take. And if he could have that, what else was on the table?

On the seventh day, he got a text with an address somewhere in Singapore, and a call from Jacob, saying that he finally, finally has some information, and that he hopes Joshua really likes the dude, because Jacob had to work extra hard to get his whereabouts. That it’s like the dude doesn’t exist. Asking, if Josh is sure it’s the right one, sending him a picture.

It was him. Joshua’s heart tightened in his chest as he got overwhelmed by a strange emotion. The man in the photo had black hair, not ashy white, but it was beyond all doubt, Jeonghan. His high cheekbones, sculpted nose, his perfectly almond eyes and the graceful, unforgettable way he held a cigarette up to his lips.

Joshua left for Singapore on the same day he got the news, making all the necessary arrangements on the plane. He landed with but half an hour to spare between making it to the heart of the city and being told that the access to the complex is granted. With no on-house to further guide him through the complex, Joshua made way to the place himself. 

It was a penthouse, with floor to ceiling windows and a great view of the river. The interior looked like a spread from a magazine, and a particularly good one, too. Everything about the apartment screamed “rental”, right down to the way Jeonghan seemed to not be very familiar with the sound of the elevator door opening as Joshua walked into the foyer, if the way he didn’t raise his head was anything to judge by.

It took Joshua a few seconds to realize that the other reason Jeonghan didn’t react immediately was probably because he was focused on the man kneeling in front of him. From where Joshua was standing, he could only see the man was naked, and had deep brown hair. There was blood on his bound arms, and around him on the floor.

“You just love surprising me, don’t you?” Jeonghan asked, annoyance in his voice. “Except I’m rarely happy about the surprises, Hong Jisoo.”

Joshua walked closer to them, half expecting the other man to become embarrassed or react in any way. It seemed that Jeonghan’s hand in his hair prevented him from doing anything, though, as he remained pretty much motionless.

“Hello to you too, Yoon Jeonghan.”

“Pulling out my surname? That’s distasteful, Hong Jisoo.” Jeonghan sneered and tightened his hand in the other man’s hair.

“Are you going to introduce me to your new friend?” There was a hint of sourness in Joshua’s voice. 

Jeonghan tightened his grip further, and the other man moaned incoherently. Jeonghan then pulled on his hair cruelly, making him twist and almost fall, just so Joshua could see his face easier.

With a round face, flawless skin and small, but expressive eyes, he both resembled a child and was clearly an adult man. He was pretty, in the same weird sense bald cats and reptiles are cute. Joshua wasn’t able to focus on that, only able to look at the bloody mess that spilled from his mouth and covered his face. The man gargled again, and Joshua understood that his tongue was gone. 

A shiver ran through his body, both freezing him in the spot and making him want to run, or maybe grab Jeonghan or maybe grab the man. Maybe touch the man’s face. Maybe look closer at his stub of a tongue and feel the man cough and spit blood on Joshua. Maybe grab his cheeks and stretch his mouth open wider, make him smile. Maybe dip his hand in the viscous liquid and taste it, put it all over the man, put it all over himself. Either the man on his knees was dying, or he was never going to die, and either possibility got Joshua equally short of breath. The steady thumping of his own heart alarmed him, and he pulled himself out of the trance to look at Jeonghan.

Jeonghan smirked. “So this is why you came.”

Joshua couldn’t find the right words. 

“His name is Jihoon and I just thought he was talking too much.” Jeonghan moved Jihoon’s head around a little more, making him drool more blood down himself and onto the panels.

There was something ringing in Joshua’s ears, be it echoes of Jihoon’s moans or animal screams, or the sound of Jeonghan’s skull cracking. He couldn’t speak through it.

“You know, if you really wanted more you could have just messaged me back on that forum. I check it sometimes.” Finally, Jeonghan let go of Jihoon’s hair. The man almost collapsed to the ground, and Jeonghan left for the kitchen. Joshua followed.

"Does my, does the- does this not matter to you?" He asked, and chastised himself internally for the way he sounded. His father taught him better than to have a shaky voice. "There must have been other… instances like that."

"What are you even on about? Spit it out." Rummaging through the mostly empty cabinets and cupboards, Jeonghan must have considered the two whisky glasses he pulled out more important than Joshua, since he didn't even bother looking at him.

“You were killed, but you didn't die. You can't expect me to believe no one else noticed you being undead.”

Jeonghan clicked his tongue disapprovingly. “First of all, that’s not a very nice word. Second, it's just—”

“Then what are you?” Joshua interrupted him, getting a nasty look in return. He didn’t care. He had to know.

“Second. It's just like you said. There have been some other instances of me being killed and not dying, and it doesn’t really matter if someone sees it. At the end of the day no one is gonna believe some shady creep, so they keep it to themselves and fuck off. Not, you know, stalk me and pay me a visit.” Jeonghan poured two glasses of bourbon, no ice, and Joshua thought he might get offered one. He wasn’t.

“What are you?”

“Joshua, for the last time, not a what, but a who.”

Joshua attempted to calm down his breathing. He looked over at Jihoon, on the floor, supporting himself on his side, blood still dripping from his mouth. It didn’t help.

“Who are you?”

“Humans have called us a lot of things before, most of it offensive. We call ourselves ghouls.”

Joshua nodded, eyes still on Jihoon. He was slowly getting up, attempting to crawl onto a settee. Jeonghan approached him, that alone making Jihoon stop and look up. He sipped from one of the glasses he was holding, and casually poured the other glass on Jihoon, aiming into his mouth, but ultimately spilling the alcohol everywhere. It mixed with the blood and saliva. Joshua wasn’t sure what hit him first, the smell or Jihoon’s pained moans.

“Things like that aren’t enough to kill us. Right, Jihoonie?” Jeonghan nudged Jihoon with his foot, after the screams died down to a volume he could speak over comfortably.

Joshua blinked slowly, and when he opened his eyes, Jeonghan was looking straight back into them. He wasn’t sure what he saw in there.

“Aren’t you a little scared?”

“I was scared when I killed you,” Joshua confessed, spontaneously.

“But?” There was a sly smirk on Jeonghan’s face. Again.

“But you didn’t die.”

“You know, Joshua, I can hear your heartbeat very well. Better than you think, actually.” Jeonghan sipped his scotch again and walked off into the depths of the living room. His voice carried well. Joshua didn’t follow him. “I could hear it while you were still in the elevator. I can hear it right now, clear as day. So I know one thing for sure. Either you’re scared,” there was a thud, and then a metallic clang. “Or you’re a very, very naughty boy.”

Joshua waited with his answer until Jeonghan was back in the room. He was holding a spring knife. It was covered in blood.

“Would I come back, if I was scared?” 

Jeonghan didn’t answer. With a smile, he sucked on the blade, lacerating the side of his mouth, nonchalant and sultry. When he spoke, he paid no mind to the blood dripping down his chin.

“Jihoonie. You can talk now,” he shifted all of his focus to Jihoon, who was now curled on the settee. 

“Of all the liquor you could pick, fucking blended malt, are we poor?”

Jeonghan laughed. 

“I’d rather fucking drink perfume,” he coughed some blood out. His voice was less raspy than Joshua would have expected. “In fact I’ll gladly drink perfume if that means I won’t have to come in contact with plebs scotch again.”

“Stop putting on a show just because you’re excited that someone’s watching.”

Jihoon spit blood in Jeonghan’s direction. He shifted, and from where he was standing, Joshua could easily see how hard his dick was.

Jeonghan grabbed Jihoon’s face and forced his jaw open, and pulled out his tongue using two fingers easily. Almost as if Jihoon wasn’t struggling back, he easily cut off his tongue again, with a wet sound, no more obscene than the noise a butcher’s knife makes when digging into a carcass. 

When Jeonghan spit in Jihoon’s face, the blood in his saliva mixed with Jihoon’s own, flowing down his chin in a waterfall. Joshua couldn’t tell the two apart. It made his skin crawl. It made his dick ache. He didn’t even care about Jihoon’s gargled moans. 

Jeonghan was still holding Jihoon’s tongue in his hand as he spoke.

“If I give you my number, will you stop stalking me?” 

“Yes,” Joshua replied breathlessly. “Only if you will answer it when I call.”

“Oh, you’re gonna call?” Jeonghan pretended to be scandalized. Or flattered. It was hard to tell, his face covered in blood. He tossed the severed tongue into the empty glass he left nearby earlier.

“I want more,” Joshua finally confessed. “You sold me your life once already. How much will it cost to take it again?”

“More than you can afford.”

“Money isn’t an issue,” he answered confidently, but Jeonghan was already shaking his head. 

“And I’m not talking about money.”

“I…” He pressed his lips together and licked them nervously. “I want more.”

“But what is it that you want, exactly?”

Joshua didn’t have a clear answer. He didn’t want death, he thought. He could take Jeonghan’s life and just keep taking it, like he could keep taking a whore after he’s paid for their service. He wanted something more hard to get. Something more forbidden. Something more intimate. Something more.

Jeonghan smiled again, but this time it was less malevolent. He offered Joshua the knife, handle first.

“I think I know,” he purred. Looking into his eyes, Joshua could believe he did indeed know, even if he himself didn’t. Joshua took the knife. It was warm with Jeonghan’s and Jihoon’s blood both. His skin crawled.

“Jihoonie. You can speak now,” Jeonghan’s tone was oddly happy. He slowly walked until he was behind Joshua, holding him at his forearms, smearing blood on his burgundy suit. Pressing closer. Almost embracing him.

“No cheap piss this time? Thank fuck. Maybe you’re not that much of a bitch after all,” Jihoon only directed his viciousness at Jeonghan for as long as he could see him. He easily switched to Joshua, then. “What, you think you’re wearing the big boy pants now? Really? Doing whatever the fuck Han wants you to do? Are you even brave enough to be his new beater monkey?”

Joshua gripped the knife tighter. Jeonghan leaned against his back uncomfortably, until he could grab Jihoon by the jaw and force it open.

“Come on, Shua, darling. I want to see you make a neat little cut.”

Joshua thought about the way Jeonghan’s black hair made him look both more human, and more like an animal. He thought about the way he swore to himself he isn’t a murderer, just a businessman. He thought about how he is offered a free sample of something bigger than what he could comprehend.

Jihoon tried to bite down on his fingers when Joshua reached into his mouth and pulled his tongue out. It didn’t matter. He cut messily, and the hot blood warmed his hands.

When he walked out that night, he was wearing Jeoghan’s shirt. It was too wide for him, but unlike his own shirt and jacket, it wasn’t soaked with blood. His trousers looked as if they were in two shades of red.

A voice in his head told him he should get his suit burned. He got it dry cleaned instead, together with Jeonghan’s shirt.

He spent four days in a suite hotel room, not so good that they would know and remember him from before, but good enough that if he spilled some blood, the cleaning service wouldn’t ask questions. He spent them pacing from wall to wall, answering necessary calls, thinking about Jeonghan’s knife and slowly driving himself crazy. On the fourth night he broke and dialed Jeonghan’s number.

“Shua, darling,” Jeonghan answered the phone coldly, but quickly.

“Hello,” he could never get quite used to the way Jeonghan addressed him. “Do you want your shirt back?”

“Are you really calling to give me my shirt back?”

“No,” Joshua didn’t see the point in beating around the bush.

“Well, no,” he breathed. Puffing out cigarette smoke, Joshua realised. “I don’t really need it.”

“Good. I threw it away,” he lied.

“Did you now?” They shared a few seconds of silence as Jeonghan smoked on. “I think I found you someone.” 

“Oh?” Joshua didn’t mean to sound as excited as he did.

Jeonghan laughed sweetly. “Yeah, he might be your new lover boy. He lives in Vancouver and he has a thing for boys with pretty lips.”

Joshua didn’t think he would care for a compliment about his lips. He kind of did. Only when he started speaking he realized his hand flew up to his mouth unconsciously. “Does he like what I like?”

“Joshua, I wouldn’t fail you.”

“Of course,” Joshua didn’t fully believe that. “Are you gonna be there?”

“Where?”

“In Vancouver.” He didn’t know how to elaborate.

“I’m here already.” There it was. Even through the phone, it sounded just the same it did in real life. Jeonghan’s purring, sweet tone of voice. The one he would use when he wanted something from Joshua. The one he had used so often during that one week they shared. 

“Well when can I join you?” 

“Impatient?”

Joshua knew there was no point in lying about that. He tried to, anyway. “I just want to see you.”

“Really?” Jeonghan laughed again. “I thought you just wanted to see red. Well, you’re in luck. Both can be arranged. I’m in a good mood.”

“Are you, now?” It felt strange, Joshua realized. Talking to Jeonghan so very normally, like they were flirting, not like they were arranging a highly illegal, violent meeting, supernatural freaks involved. He pressed his lips briefly, nervously. At the same time, it felt downright natural. “Am I getting on your good side?”

“I’m still not quite forgiving you for breaking our agreement back on that island, you know.” There was no malice in Jeonghan’s voice.

“Is it really that bad that you had to shower?”

Jeonghan giggled. “Strangling would have been so sexy. You know, it takes just minutes to come back to afterwards.”

Joshua’s heart beat faster. What would he have done if Jeonghan came back to life so soon after being killed? Would he have even believed him that he had really died? Would he have kept his cool, with no blood to be seen? He swallowed heavily, unsure how to answer.

“Ugh, I hate to give it to you. You were supposed to ask if you can try again. I was gonna say that I don’t know, maybe, if you’re good, and you were supposed to get hard.” Displease obvious in his voice, Jeonghan almost sounded like a teen painting her nails gossiping with friends. 

“I’m sorry?” Joshua breathed. He wasn’t sure how to answer to that.

“Whatever,” Joshua could almost see Jeonghan waving his hand dismissively at that.

“Can I still offer to offer to try again? Maybe, if I’m good?" 

“Maybe. If you’re good.” Judging by Jeonghan’s voice, Joshua said the right thing. He was almost purring again. 

“That’s a lot of being good.”

“You’ll have to try very hard.” 

Joshua chuckled. “I’m not worried about that at all.” 

Jeonghan exhaled loudly, and it sounded almost like a sigh or a moan. Joshua couldn’t decipher it. He blamed it on the connection. “Hello?”

“Call me when you’re here, Shua. I’ll pick up.”

“Okay.”

“Okay. Bye.” Without another warning, Jeonghan disconnected.

Joshua booked the flight before his phone cooled down from where it was touching his cheek.


	3. Process

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Joshua meets a new person, and then immediately proceeds to do things that will never leave his conscience. Where Jeonghan is even more cryptic than usually.

The evening before the flight to Canada, Joshua tried doing something he hasn’t done in a couple of years, not since he gained some muscle and his jawline sharpened up. He got a bikini wax, and the cosmetologist talked him into leg waxing, too.

Facing his expression while dressing up, he saw himself the way others did. Pretty lips and big eyes. Honey brown hair permed into soft waves and parted stylishly. Small waist, skinny hips, long smooth legs, an adorable twink, even his broadened over time shoulders or sculpted back couldn’t distract from that.

He didn’t hate it, he realized. Preferring sharp suits and dark tones, and serious aura, his delicate features usually posed a disadvantage, but on days when he knew he’s not gonna meet anyone from his social circles, when he’s just going out to fuck and have fun, looking dainty and gentle wasn’t all that bad.

Following that logic, Joshua impulsively ditched the suit. He picked pale pink silks that he didn’t even know he had, oversized and flowing, and cut off a maroon ribbon from a garment, tying it into a bow around his neck as a choker. He could barely recognize himself. He liked it.

A pleasant shiver ran down Joshua’s spine as he felt people’s eyes linger on him as he sped through the customs and towards the jet. Not his own, unfortunately, but just one good enough. It was a sacrifice he was willing to make to get to Vancouver faster, aware of the inevitability of the long flight. 

At the last minute he rushed to the duty-free shopping area, picked up the first pink and sparkly make-up palette that caught his eye and asked one of the staff girls to put the product on him. When he blinked, his eyelids sparkled and catching his reflection in the windows, he almost got turned on.

Jeonghan’s never seen him like that, he realized, throwing the palette somewhere so he didn’t have to hold it in his pocket. Jeonghan probably didn’t even know Joshua could look like a candy in a sparkling wrapper and smell like roses, and he was in for a surprise. Joshua barely pulled out of his fantasies of blood on pink fur and glitter on bruises before he landed.

As agreed, he called. He expected a cab to be waiting for him, as per Jeonghan’s instructions, but he did not expect Jeonghan himself to be inside.

“Oh, hello,” Joshua felt excited, almost giddy.

Jeonghan eyed him head to toe, quickly, and then back up, before speaking. “Shua, darling,” his voice was ice cold. “Good to see you.”

“Were you impatient? That’s why you came to pick me up?” Joshua purred. Somewhere between dressing up and landing in Canada, he grew excited without actually intending to do so, like a passenger on a ride, following mindlessly wherever his body wanted to take him.

“There was something I wanted to talk about before we arrived. You know. In private.” He seemed to avoid Joshua’s gaze for a second, but then his disposition changed subtly, and suddenly, he was seeking it. “But I guess you were. Impatient, I mean.”

Joshua closed his eyes and stifled a chuckle. Impatience, he thought, that's one way to describe the sensation taking over his rationality. His skin was crawling with desire for something wicked and his head was spinning, thoughts stuck between images of burning evidence, hard cocks, and Jeonghan’s lips covered in blood. Impatience was an adjacent emotion.

“Yeah,” he all but moaned. “Yeah, I really was.”

“Partition,” Jeonghan barked out, and before Joshua fully realized what it was about, the driver rolled up the partition as instructed. Barely a split second after it closed Jeonghan lunged out of his seat and started slipping his fingers underneath Joshua’s shirt and onto his skinny torso. Joshua gasped.

“What's with the fucking getup?” Jeonghan asked, tugging on the silk aggressively. “Are you having a moment?”

“You could say so,” Joshua gasped in response, leaning backward and propping his legs up, all to allow Jeonghan better access to his body. “I was feeling myself. Do you like it?”

Jeonghan didn’t answer. He dragged his teeth against Joshua’s ribs, licking his chest and squeezing his waist tightly. Only when his head was almost entirely under Joshua’s shirt did he slow down, press a wet kiss to his nipple, and loosen his grip. Joshua just threw his arms and one leg onto Jeonghan’s back, pulling him closer, digging the heel of the shoe into Jeonghan’s fitted shirt.

“Watch it,” Jeonghan barely stopped his actions to spit the words out.

“Or what? You'll mail me the bill for some silk,” Joshua was fully aware no shirt was irreplaceable.

"I said watch it,” Jeonghan pulled out from under Joshua’s clothes and clawed at his back. “I could fucking break you. I could just fucking break you in half right now.”

Joshua panted. “You’re so pressed. That’s sexy.”

With an angry huff, Jeonghan bit on Joshua’s neck, right next to the ribbon, pressing down hard with his teeth, sucking, bruising. There was a growing tightness in Joshua's chest like he was going to explode if the pressure inside of him grew any stronger, and each of Jeonghan's bite only made his insides more twisted. He didn’t bother to quiet down his moans, not until Jeonghan finally let go.

Jeonghan untied the ribbon around Joshua’s neck easily, and Joshua missed the harsh touch of hands on his torso instantly. 

“Did you draw blood, freak?” He choked out.

Jeonghan sent him a nasty look.

“I know you’re into exhibitionism but can we please not fuck in the taxi? It’s uncomfortable.” He added, lying through his teeth.

“I got what I wanted already.”

“Oh?” Joshua straightened his back, trying to hide the disappointment, hoping for his breathing to slow down on its own. 

Jeonghan looped the ribbon around his own wrist loosely, and then pointed it at Joshua. “Tie it.”

Joshua did. He also pressed his mouth against Jeonghan’s palm and licked, and then moved on to suck on his thumb. It was almost pitiful how that was enough to get his dick to full erection.

Jeonghan pushed more of his fingers into Joshua’s mouth and pressed down on his tongue, messing with it until Joshua allowed his jaw to fall slack and saliva to roll down his chin. Jeonghan chuckled at that. 

“Who’s the fucking freak?” 

Joshua moaned instead of responding coherently, and his eyelids fluttered closed. He allowed Jeonghan to pull his tongue out of his mouth, reminded with a shiver of how he did the same thing to Jihoon just a few days earlier.

“You’re something else,” Jeonghan murmured, and wiped his hand against Joshua’s cheek and then on his clothes. Joshua didn’t answer.

The taxi rolled to a stop pretty soon, or at least soon-ish, Joshua wasn’t sure if he could trust himself to tell the time correctly when his thoughts were entirely somewhere else. He got out, not waiting for Jeonghan’s signal, and the soles of his shoes crunched against gravel.

In the distance, the gravel path winding in that direction, he could see a simple castle, or an old church, gray and white against the dark forest. Just in front of him was a modern mansion with floor to ceiling windows, curved roofs and a walkway with hedges, which the driver conveniently stopped in front of. Joshua figured that was where they were going, and went ahead, lead in equal parts by bravado and by his dick.

“Yeah, don’t wait for me,” Jeonghan insisted bitterly, although he wasn’t far behind. His hair was disheveled and contrasted with his pale skin beautifully. Joshua urged himself to stop looking and continue walking.

He didn’t have the time to think over whether he should knock or not; before he got within an arm’s distance to the door, it swung open, revealing a charming young man dressed in casual sweats.

At a first glance, his eyes seemed a little too puffy, chin a little too strong, lips a little too pouty to be considered beautiful. However, the longer Joshua looked the more handsomeness he found in the face in front of him - sculpted jawline, square cheekbones, pronounced, straight eyebrows that gave the man a stern expression. His soft, black locks softened his features, but his muscular figure did quite the opposite, making him appear both boyish and deadly.

“Oh,” the man said, flicking his gaze between Joshua and Jeonghan as if he didn’t expect them. Then, he looked Joshua up and down, almost too carefully. “Ohhhhh.”

“Hello,” Joshua allowed his voice to ring in a lower register. “I was told I have an appointment.”

“Not exactly,” chimed in Jeonghan, finally catching up to them. “Kind of forgot to tell you. It’s a surprise.”

“Jeonghan,” the other man’s eyes sparkled. “Is this who you’ve been telling me about?”

“Sure is, babe. Get to know each other, I’m grabbing something to drink.” With no hesitation, Jeonghan walked right past the man and into the house.

“I’m Seungcheol,” the man introduced himself but didn’t hold out a hand for Joshua to grab. He just looked at him intensely with his big, sparkly eyes. “Had I known, I’d put on something nicer. You must forgive me.”

“I’m Joshua, and I forgive you,” he could feel the excitement bubbling inside of him, but allowed his face to stay unmoved, save for a pursed lip or an eyebrow quirk. “Can I come inside?”

Seungcheol stepped to the side and made an inviting gesture. Joshua allowed himself to enter, admiring briefly the classy, modern interior design mixed with colonial furniture. A clank of glass against glass rang through the place, and Joshua assumed it must be Jeonghan, who’ve found the bar somewhere in the depths of the house. With no intention to drag behind the man like a lost kid, Joshua turned around to face Seungcheol, who still had his hand on the now closed door.

“You’re so human,” he sighed. “You smell alive.” 

“Do you not often meet people like me?”

“It’s been a while, I admit,” he nodded and finally walked into the house. Joshua followed him, ogling his round ass. He only stopped when they reached what he assumed to be the living room.

Seungcheol plopped down on a sofa that was positioned next to a large window overlooking the sea, the rocky beach, and the island in the distance. The light coming from behind him framed his head, painting a halo around his head and casting a shadow on his face. He looked ethereal, in a way equally astonishing and unsettling, in a way that Joshua used to associate with Jeonghan.

“Should I be sorry? Or is this a good thing?” He toyed with the cuff of his shirt.

Seungcheol shook his head. “A good thing, I guess. You know, you’re very… You’re a lot.”

Joshua laughed. “Again, is that a good thing?” He knew it was, or else he wouldn’t have asked.

“Good. You look like a doll. You look like you don’t belong here.”

“Me?” Joshua pressed his lips in a coy smile. He leaned against a grand piano, the centerpiece of the room, wondering if anyone ever plays it. “That’s coming from a man dressed in gray joggers lounging on a Spanish leather sofa?”

“I wasn’t told I should dress up.” Seungcheol sounded defensive rather than bashful. There was no shyness in the way his voice lilted.

“I’m not complaining,” Joshua twirled the silk of his shirt. It was supposed to draw attention to his exposed collarbones. It worked. “Had you worn jeans I wouldn’t be able to see your ass quite this well.” 

“Almost as if I’m hearing Jeonghan. He seems to be fond of sweatpants.” Seungcheol shifted in his seat, a sly smile on his face. “Then, I suppose it's you who didn’t get the memo.” 

Joshua finally stopped pulling on his shirt, and Seungcheol finally looked up from his collarbones and back into his eyes. Joshua thought he recognized his hunger, but he didn't, not fully. He dreaded to draw out the conversation, waiting for the smallest of signals to finally act.

“Jeonghan seemed to appreciate the silks earlier, but if you insist it’s too much we can go straight to undressing.”

“I think you should first discuss a few details,” Jeonghan’s voice almost startled Joshua. He didn’t really notice him come in. “Cheol, either you start or I’m going to do this for you because Josh here seems to have no decorum.”

Joshua sent him a glare for that, despite realizing Jeonghan is probably right. He usually was.

“No hard limits,” Seungcheol muttered, and then cleared his throat. “Soft limit on needles and taking photos or videos. Safewords are red for stop, yellow for slow down. Green is go.”

Joshua recalled the terms Seungcheol threw at him from one of his trips to a kink club when he was still in his experimental phase. He didn’t really care about the concept back then, but he supposed he probably should, now.

“For blocked mouth, three taps,” Jeonghan added, and then nodded at Joshua. “This is very standard, by the way.”

“Got it,” he nodded back, and tried to shake away the feeling that this was just sex they were discussing, and not bloodshed. Did he misinterpret the offer? Should he make sure? “What about branding? With metal.”

Seungcheol shifted in his seat, almost if shy. “On the yes list.”

“Knives?” He continued with the first thing that came to his mind.

“Yes, obviously…”

“What if you die?”

Seungcheol laughed shortly, almost in a girlish way. “Are you asking just to be cute? As I said, no hard limits. Everything is on the table.”

Jeonghan approached Joshua slowly and put his hand on the small of Joshua’s back. When Joshua turned to look at him, he was surprised to see a small smile. 

“I think what Cheollie is trying to say, is that he’s going to like whatever you put him through.”

It was Joshua’s turn to laugh. “So can I just do whatever I want?”

“Yes. So,” Jeonghan paused and swirled the alcohol in his glass. “What do you want to do, then?”

What did he want? He felt his guts twist and tremble, again. Immediately he thought of the thrill when he first realized that he can buy a human life, but that was already done, wasn't it? He took a life and it came back, an inexhaustible source, even if Jeonghan warned him of a steep price, even if possibly he wouldn't be able to pay it, the offer was at least theoretically on the table. He wanted more than that.

He thought of Jihoon, his tongue being cut out time and time again, and he wondered what else he can take from a person and watch it regrow. Could he take Seungcheol’s heart and watch it grow back? Could he bite a hole in his throat and watch it close up? If Seungcheol was able to give and give and give again, how much could he take? 

He shifted his eyes from Jeonghan’s face and took a closer look at Seungcheol. His lips were so plump and pink he wanted to bite them, wondering if Seungcheol would let him, or if he would smack him away, whine if he would moan to stop before Joshua draws blood. He decided to check.

Four fast strides and Joshua was away from the piano, and up in Seungcheol’s lap. Without as much as a word, he pressed his lips to Seungcheol’s, licking his way into his mouth and wrapping arms around his shoulders. Seungheol reciprocated quickly, grabbing Joshua by the waist with gentle hands, in a way so very different from Jeonghan’s greedy, harsh fingers. It felt both sensual and boring. It felt juvenile.

Joshua bit down on Seungcheol’s lip, more harshly than playfully, but not cruelly. Immediately, Seungcheol moaned in return, loosened his jaw and tightened his hands on Joshua’s skin. He was malleable under Joshua’s teeth, but equally so when Joshua relaxed his bite and just kissed him calmly. For a second, that soft acceptance was enough to satisfy Joshua, and when the moment passed, he decided to take more. He bit down again. Hard.

This time, Joshua could taste blood, metallic and electrifying on his tongue. Once again, Seungcheol whined and moaned, grabbed Joshua tighter and did not move back, not an inch, didn’t even try to pull away, softly accepting the pain. Joshua trembled, as if he was the one bitten, shifted in his position and pressed into the kiss with more force.

There was a disappointment in the way Seungcheol pulled away. Joshua half expected to be pushed off, told to slow down, but one glance at Seungcheol was enough to confirm it was not the case. He was panting, and Joshua realized that he was short of breath as well.

"I thought you're wearing lipstick..." Seungcheol touched Joshua's lips with a gentleness that seemed out of place. "Are your lips just that pink?"

Joshua didn't know how to answer. He never particularly cared about the shade of his lips. Fortunately, Seungcheol didn't seem to be needing the answer, but rather a second to breathe. After just a few seconds, he looked up from Joshua’s lips and into his eyes, and the way his eyelids fluttered told Joshua everything he needed to know. 

Joshua bit him again, in the same place, hungry and merciless, his hands going white with how hard he was digging his fingers into Seungcheol’s hair. The blood made their kisses sloppy. Joshua licked it off Seungcheol’s chin with a wet noise. It was almost as if Seungcheol missed the teeth as soon as they disappeared from his lips, judging by the sad whine he let out. He leaned forwards, pressed himself closer into Joshua, eyes falling shut but leaving his mouth open. Elated, head buzzing, Joshua allowed the last sliver of his self-control to escape.

It must have hurt, Joshua was aware of that. Teeth were blunt and jaws were strong, he had to squeeze them so hard that they ached if he wanted to pierce skin. Seungcheol must have been in agony, he knew, warm blood was covering his mouth and dripping down his jaw and the primal ache it filled his guts with couldn't come painlessly.

Joshua could almost feel his teeth going all the way through, and pressed down even more strongly until they did, until he felt that he split Seungcheol’s lip in half, tissue ripping with a wet sound. And yet, the man never stopped trying to kiss back.

It was a mess worth watching, a beautiful performance of destruction and invincibility. Joshua observed Seungcheol closely, trying to pinpoint exactly when and how the gash he just caused would patch back up, heal and close, but it was like watching rain collect in a puddle. It happened all at once and yet slowly at the same time, a commotion unperceivable in detail until it was suddenly complete. By that time Joshua had licked all of the blood off his chin and moved his hands from Seungheol's hair to his chest.

Slowly, Seungcheol opened his eyes. He pressed his lips together a few times before speaking.

“Your shirt is dirty,” he looked down at Joshua’s garment.

“Yours too,” Joshua noticed, and willed his thumping heart to calm down. It didn’t.

“I uh, we should…” Seungcheol barely paused, and before he could quite think over his actions, Joshua immediately grabbed him by the throat, both thumbs on his windpipe. Seungcheol choked and coughed, but he only firmed up his hold.

“Continue,” he muttered.

“W-we should…” Seungcheol tried to, but it was impossible to get any sound out.

He finally lifted one of his hands from Joshua’s waist and Joshua thought he will finally get smacked, pushed away, maybe even he’ll get three taps and a safeword. He pressed down harder, taking all he can get before he has to stop, when Seungcheol rested his trembling fingers on Joshua’s chin, smearing the blood around, caressing his wet skin.

“Ki...ss… mo-ore…” Rather than speak, he breathed out, trembling. His lips were pale, and his face flushed.

Joshua pressed harder, and Seungcheol let out a chilling, guttural sound. He didn’t look pretty anymore, Joshua thought, face twisting and contracting, an unnatural shade of red, almost as purple as the sunset, and yet Joshua couldn’t even blink, fearing he might miss a microexpression or a twinge. He wanted to take it all in, every single convulsion, right until when Seungcheol’s body suddenly became limp, loose, heavy, until his hand fell down from Joshua’s face and his eyes rolled back. Only then, he let go.

“That’s cute,” Joshua managed to once again forget about Jeonghan’s presence until he heard his voice come from behind him. “I’m a good matchmaker.”

Joshua cleared his throat. “Yeah, I guess.”

“So are you gonna like, take it upstairs?”

It was hard for Joshua to gather his thoughts enough to answer, so instead he got off Seungcheol’s lap quietly. Jeonghan finally walked closer and started wiping Joshua’s mouth with a cloth that Joshua couldn’t recall seeing before.

“My, my, you sure are shellshocked for someone who wanted to wear the big boy pants,” Jeonghan’s smile was crooked, but his voice pleasant. “Do you want more? Or are you getting enough?”

Joshua wanted to look him back in the eye, but he couldn’t. Instead, his eyes ventured downwards, onto Jeonghan’s lips. He leaned in for a kiss, a slow one, less messy, much less violent. Jeonghan didn’t embrace him back when Joshua sneaked his hands around his waist. Instead, he left his hand resting on Joshua’s cheek, the cloth hanging from it like an afterthought.

"Alright," Jeonghan moved away, and then used the cloth to wipe his own mouth where Joshua got blood on him. "I guess that's my answer."

"I want a knife," Joshua choked out and cleared his throat again, trying to gather himself, disallowing his body to tremble in the way it did. He's seen worse things and stayed still, he reminded himself.

"You're in luck, Cheol has quite a collection. I mean, I believe knives are personal, but I'm guessing you didn't bring one." Seeing the expression Joshua pulled at the mention of a collection, he took a double take. "Come on, don't tell me you were gonna grab a fucking kitchen cleaver or something."

There was a difference in the way Jeonghan spoke to him, Joshua noticed, different now and the few seconds before he got into Seungcheol’s lap. Almost as if he grew distant, but not quite, and Joshua wasn’t willing to mull over it. He had more important things to do.

“How long until Cheol comes back? You said it’s supposed to be like, two minutes, right?” 

Jeonghan scoffed and shook his head. “Did I? I may take just a few minutes, but it's not always the same for everyone. Stop making assumptions." 

“Right, pardon my manners.” Joshua didn’t miss the minuscule grimace that clouded Jeonghan’s expression for a second. “Do I just invite myself upstairs and bang the drawers until I find a stash of knives, or will you take me to the bedroom? You seem to know your way around here.” He added when he didn’t get a response immediately.

Finally, Jeonghan sighed and moved from his spot. "Come."

Joshua followed him up the stairs, down a corridor and finally into a bedroom. It was surprisingly plain in a luxurious way, the furniture antique, bed made with silks, windows looking out on the coastline. Jeonghan walked straight up to a cabinet, opened it, and pulled out a set of drawers.

"Here you go. Pick your weapon," Jeonghan was sounding much more like himself, back to flirtatious and almost mean. "I'm gonna go and bring Seungcheol here for round two. Unless you aren’t ready yet?”

Joshua didn’t answer with more than a hum and a nod, already focused on the knife collection displayed before him. Sure enough, it was what he expected from a man casually lounging around on museum-worthy leathers. He took a while, opening and closing drawers, and picking up pieces to take a closer look at them. 

There were a few simple butterfly knives in the top drawer, along with some spring knives that looked utilitarian, almost military. About half of the collection looked significantly old, covered in ivory, pearl, and intarsia that simply was not being done anymore. There was even a dagger, long and mysterious, and almost corny, and Joshua's eyes gravitated towards it before he noticed one more knife, sheathed in black leather and with modern profiling on the handle. When he picked it up, it fit in his hand a little awkwardly, and it only made Joshua grip it harder.

Despite how focused he was on the way the blade reflected light, he heard the footsteps halfway through the corridor, and Jeonghan's arrival did not startle him. 

“That’s your pick?”

Joshua looked up from the knife and at Jeonghan. He was holding Seungcheol by the wrists, having tied them together by what looked to be Joshua’s former choker. Seungcheol was still covered in blood and slightly red in the face, but seemed to move on his own. It wasn’t immediately clear to Joshua if he was fully alive, and at this point, he dared not ask.

“Is there anything wrong?” He shifted the knife in his hand, enjoying the metallic glint. Jeonghan shook his head in response as if to say he didn’t mind. 

“World War two,” Seungcheol muttered, eyes slightly hazy, but focused on the blade. “Russian.”

“Alright,” Joshua didn’t care much, picking whatever looked nice and seemed comfortable. He wondered briefly if every knife in the collection was as easily identifiable to Seungcheol.

Just to get a better look, Joshua shifted the knife in his hand again, only then realizing that the knife was now pointed perfectly at both Seungcheol and Jeonghan. Had he just walked forwards, he could easily stab them both. Just a small movement. Just a simple gesture.

“Seungcheol,” he breathed out heavily. “I want you on the bed.”

Jeonghan smiled, and instead of letting go of the man’s wrists, he dragged him by them in the direction of the bed and finally onto it. Only when Seungcheol plopped down on the mattress did he let go and sat on the bed himself, embracing Seungcheol from behind. He leaned in close to his ear with a crooked smile.

“Shua is talking to you, baby,” Jeonghan was talking to Seungcheol, but his eyes were fixed on Joshua’s, their sights locked above the edge of the blade. Joshua never stopped pointing it at them, trying to ignore the way that nickname on Jeonghan’s lips made it tremble. “I would love it if you could focus a little bit better and start replying.”

“Is this a side effect? Of…” Joshua had to swallow heavily before continuing. “Of coming back?”

“Not entirely. Right?” As he was talking, Jeonghan made sure to let his hands roam Seungcheol’s body.

Seungcheol didn't reply immediately, but Joshua didn't feel like he can rush him, neither did he want to. Jeonghan just kissed Seungcheol on the neck, gently, as if afraid to leave a mark shall he press his lips firmly, and kept kissing until Seungcheol began to react to his affection with small sighs of content. It was quite a show, and Joshua observed, his hands shaking ever so slightly.

"We should kiss more," Seungcheol spoke up unexpectedly, and when he opened his eyes, they were clear and bright again. Joshua assumed the sentence was directed at Jeonghan, but Seungcheol drifted his gaze from Joshua's eyes to his lips, and then back again as if the knife wasn't pointed at him at all.

"And why do you think so?" He tried to provoke. 

“You feel so sweet, Joshua. Your lips are so plush. I love them.” 

Joshua tried not to think about how most of what Seungcheol had experienced so far was his teeth. “Yeah? I wonder where I should put them next.”

Seungcheol attempted to lift one of his hands as if to touch himself, but due to his hands being tied together firmly he just moved them both in an undignified motion. It didn't seem like he had much against the bondage, though, because he just rested them back in his lap and leaned into Jeonghan more.

"I'd show you, but if Jeonghan's got me tied up, the right thing to do is not mess with the ties."

"That’s right,” Jeonghan muttered from where he was pressing his nose into Seungcheol’s hair.

"You'll just have to come and find out yourself." Seungcheol chuckled softly. Joshua didn't miss how he shifted his hips, trying to accommodate for his growing erection.

“If I kiss you again, you might end up covered in even more blood.”

“Is that not the goal?” There was a honesty in Seungcheol’s voice that made Joshua forget to respond.

He took a jagged breath before he lunged forwards.

With ease, he climbed onto the bed, over the footboard, knife still gripped hard. Seungcheol was already spreading his legs to accommodate Joshua even better before both of Joshua's legs made it to the mattress. When Joshua leaned in for a kiss, he could feel Jeonghan’s breath tingling his cheek as clearly as he felt the taste of Seungcheol’s dried up blood in his mouth. For a second, he wished to angle his head upwards and kiss Jeonghan, too, but the knife in his hand demanded attention, and making out became an afterthought.

It was far too easy to rip Seungcheol’s shirt with the knife, requiring only a small amount of pressure, making Joshua notice just how sharp the blade was. He nicked Seungcheol’s skin in the process, but the man didn’t really react, not more than he did to the absence of kisses.

“Let’s give Joshua some more space, hm?” Jeonghan grabbed Seungcheol by the arms and lifted them up and back. Seungcheol instinctively hooked his arms around Jeonghan’s neck, even if he had to strain his muscles a little. It made for a great view for Joshua.

A few simple slashes more, and Seungcheol’s ripped shirt became a couple of rags unnecessarily clinging around his body. Joshua removed them, enjoying the sound of the fabric tearing, once again feeling the wetness of the blood it was soaked with. He only allowed himself to admire Seungcheol’s physique for a second before he leaned down to lap at the small cuts he made when carelessly handling the knife.

Seungcheol moaned. “Fuck, Joshua…”

At the sound of his own name, Joshua only latched to Seungcheol more intensely, licking up all he could before the wounds closed up, as if they never existed in the first place. He threw the blood-covered rags somewhere to the side in the middle of this so that he was able to grab onto Seungcheol tightly, but he didn’t abandon the knife. It called for attention, now pressed to Seungcheol’s naked torso where Joshua had gripped him. The edge was almost against Jeonghan’s fingers. He considered letting go of it to take off Seungcheol’s pants, but quickly decided against it.

Joshua pressed the blade of the knife against the waistband of Seungcheol’s trousers, making the man shiver, his muscles naturally spazzing under the foreign touch. He gasped a little, and Joshua almost looked up to check the expression he made when he did that.

“I hope you didn’t like these too much,” he rhetorized and pulled the knife towards himself slowly. The tip of the knife caught against the fabric, pulling on it, cutting it with a soft sound. 

“Not as much as I like this…” Seungcheol whined, making Jeonghan behind him chuckle lightly, endeared.

“Good,” with that, Joshua increased the pressure on the knife. He used his other hand to hold the fabric in place, and as he tugged it, he discovered he once again underestimated the sharpness of his new tool. Almost as if all at once, the sweatpants were cut open, elastic and cord and all, exposing his hard cock. Seungcheol shouted shortly buckled his knees up, almost hitting Joshua. Only after he saw the blood did he realize that together with the clothing, he cut Seungcheol, instead of a small nick like previously, making a deep gash on his inner groin, almost certainly cutting through a tendon. 

“Oh… Oww…” Seungcheol sounded like a little kid who hit their head. Joshua looked up, soaking in the man’s expression, lips pouty and eyebrows tightened, eyes shut tight. He watched it carefully as he pressed his thumb into the gash, as he felt it disappear in the warm flesh. The tip of his finger rolled against something hard, and Seungcheol moaned at that again, throwing his head back and licking his lips.

It didn't really make sense to Joshua how Seungcheol was able to lay down the way he did, not until he realized Jeonghan had removed himself from the bed and was making Seungcheol lie down. He must have said something, but Seungcheol didn't seem to notice, and Joshua simply did not care. He took his finger out of Seungcheol’s wound and wiped it on the sweatpants, the driest part of them that he managed to find. 

When Jeonghan entered his vision again, he handed him a bottle of lube, tapping it against his hand until Joshua finally took it.

“I’m gonna leave you two to it,” he purred. His voice seemed overly sweet, but Joshua didn’t care to analyze it further.

“Sure,” he murmured back. 

Seungcheol finally opened his eyes. Joshua thought he might say something, answer Jeonghan’s words, but he didn’t, remaining silent and staring intently at Joshua. His chest was moving up and down rhythmically, quickly, with every breath he took, flexed with the position of his arms, still up and above his head. It was entrancing, but not as much as the slow trickle of blood from next to his cock, the way it sank into the gray joggers and the bedsheets.

“Let me help,” Jeonghan spoke again, and without waiting for Joshua to answer, grabbed Seungcheol’s pants and started pulling it off. Seungcheol was cooperating, lifting his hips to help, but Joshua didn’t budge. He just watched Jeonghan do the work, and admired how the different positions and movement changed the amount of blood flowing out of the cut and the new paths it chose to flow down Seungcheol’s thigh, around his dick and into his crack.

Seungcheol wasn’t wearing underwear, Joshua only realized when he noticed Jeonghan never had to take them off. Although he was able to see Seungcheol’s cock clearly earlier, it was much easier to access it now. Without thinking much, Joshua squirted some of the lube into the palm of his hand, not caring that it’s getting mixed with blood. He grabbed the shaft of Seungcheol’s member and made an experimental motion, and got rewarded with yet another moan.

With some trouble, Seungcheol managed to get himself up to an almost sitting position. He was leaning on only one elbow, balancing as well as he could with his wrists tied. When Joshua looked up and their eyes met, he immediately leaned in even further, clearly anticipating a kiss. Joshua let him have it, gentle, slow, deep, still moving his hand on Seungcheol’s cock. When they parted, he wasn’t even slightly short of breath. 

“Will you fuck me?” half-breathless, his question seemed more like begging.

Joshua didn’t think it necessary to answer with words. He grabbed the lube bottle and squirted out some more, coating his fingers generously, and slowly guided his hand below Seungcheol’s testicles, down his taint and finally onto his entrance. The gash on Seungcheol was already more shallow, he realized, looking down between their bodies. He didn’t think he’d be able to push even half a fingernail in if he tried now.

“Please… Please.” Seungcheol was shifting his hips impatiently, leaning closer to Joshua. “I want you.” 

“I could just cut you open right now,” Joshua’s voice was raspy. He cleared his throat and realized he didn’t have the knife in his hand anymore, having rested it on the bed at some point. He quickly grabbed it.

“Yes,” Seungcheol moaned. “Yes, yes. You could, please…”

Slowly, Joshua pushed one finger in. Seungcheol knew how to take it, and relaxed immediately. The angle was uncomfortable, and Joshua pushed him on the chest until he got the hint and lied down. Seungcheol stretched out his tied hands as if he wanted to grab Joshua, but Joshua didn’t lean in to make that easier for him. He ran the tip of his knife against Seungcheol’s outstretched arms, instead, from the wrists to the armpits, and then down his chest again. 

“You like knives, don’t you?”

Just hearing the word “knives”, Seungcheol moaned again. “So, so much.”

Joshua moved the finger inside of Seungcheol easily, and when he pushed it back in, he made sure to let the other fingers drag against the still open wound. Seungcheol’s words stopped, interrupted by a low grunt, and then he tried to speak again.

“You can hurt me,” he reminded. He begged. “Please, you can cut me.”

It was so easy to do. Joshua simply pressed the sharp, sharp knife down against Seungcheol’s abdomen, and it was splitting open like a bursting balloon. The deep, scarlet blood pooled in Seungcheol’s stomach as he sucked it in when taking a breath, and then flowed down when he screamed out. Joshua curled the finger he had inside of him, fighting the clench of the muscles, moving despite it, undoubtedly unpleasantly, but he did not care.

“Oh, oh fuck, oww…” Seungcheol sounded like a hurt toddler again, but his expression was clearly lustful, eyes rolled back, hands tangled in his own hair

Joshua put the knife down on Seungcheol’s chest. It slid a little when he breathed and dipped into the bloodstains covering his lower stomach. Joshua didn’t care. The knife was already covered with blood all against the blade, so what difference did it make on the handle. He tugged on the ribbon tying Seungcheol’s wrists together where he had them against his head. It required him to lean forwards so much that he could feel Seungcheol’s thighs on his own.

“Jeonghan said…” Between intense pain and intense pleasure, Seungcheol could hardly speak. “Jeonghan said you’d like this…”

“I do,” Joshua assured him. He slowly added a second finger. The blood from Seungcheol’s abdomen dripped down his groin now, much darker than what seeped from the severed tendon, easily going down the already wet paths. Joshua wondered briefly if it’ll wash off the lube on his hand, but it didn’t seem to. It just mixed with the sticky substance gently and warmed his hand even further.

“Do you like… Mmmh…! The control?” Seungcheol was desperate to talk through that.

With a strong enough pull, the ribbon untied itself, and in a few seconds Joshua was able to take it off Seungcheol’s wrists, despite focusing his attention on keeping a consistent rhythm with the other hand. He wasn’t sure what to do with it, so he looped it loosely around his own wrist, and allowed it to hang. 

Not having to keep his hands together anymore, Seungcheol immediately outstretched them in Joshua’s direction again, grabbing wherever he could reach. This time Joshua leaned in a little, and immediately Seungcheol’s fingers were sneaking underneath his silk shirt, tangling in it, wrinkling it as he squeezed his fists.

“You’re covered, all covered…” Seungcheol moaned, and rocked his hips against Joshua’s fingers harder. “Please…”

With a squirt of more lube, Joshua fit in a third finger. He spread them inside of Seungcheol, hooked them, and worked Seungcheol open. With every motion, he made a filthy squeaking sound, completely unlike the silence with which the bed around Seungcheol was becoming red. He was becoming red, too, Joshua realized when he caught a look of his own pants. It made his dick ache with such an impact that he almost thought he creamed himself, and he caught himself grunting.

Seungcheol reacted with joy to that sound, clawing against Joshua’s back, pulling him closer, and then trying to get into his pants, untie the fastening, undo his zipper. Joshua helped him, pulling the clothing off his ass as best as he could with just one hand.

The ribbon on his wrist was getting in his way, so he shook it off. It landed across Seungcheol’s chest, splattering a little bit of the blood. 

“Joshua, please…”

“I’m going to fuck you,” he breathed heavily and leaned in until he was close enough to kiss Seungcheol. “And then I’m going to kill you.”

Seungcheol immediately embraced him and pressed their bodies together. Joshua could feel the hot blood on his torso. The knife fell out from between them and onto the bed. He growled.

“I’m going to slit your fucking throat.”

“Yes!” Seungcheol tried to kiss him, but Joshua didn’t reciprocate. 

“I’m going to fuck your ass and then cut your throat. I’m going to kill you.”

“Please, please, please…” Seungcheol was a writhing mess, and sure enough, Joshua felt his fingers slip out of his ass. He pulled back from Seungcheol’s tight embrace and reached for the lube bottle one last time. When he lubed up his cock, it turned red with how much of Seungcheol’s blood was already on his hand. He positioned the head of his dick against Seungcheol’s ass and pushed in slowly.

Seungcheol grabbed the bedsheets and arched his back in pleasure. It made his skin stretch and the gash open up, letting out even more blood, and Seungcheol’s moan of pleasure turned into one of pain. Joshua was slowly unable to tell the difference, unable to focus on the sound. There was only the tight, slippery heat, the friction around his dick and the red.

Everything was red with blood, Joshua noticed through his haze, everything was covered in it. Seungcheol was, his entire naked body, from his collarbones and his neck still dirty from their kiss, to now his abdomen, chest, thighs. Joshua held up his ass to fuck it better, and it too was slippery from blood. His own hands were red, sticky with warm blood, so were his pants. So was the entire bed around them, making unpleasant sounds, cooling down where it didn’t come in contact with their bodies. And Joshua wanted more.

It was so easy to move in and out of Seungcheol that Joshua didn’t even have to slow down or disturb the rhythm to grab the knife from next to Seungcheol’s chest. He gripped it tight and pressed it to Seungcheol’s neck, not yet strongly enough to cut the skin.

“Shua, Shua, oh fuck!” Seungcheol’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he whimpered, and it caused a small nick to form where it rubbed against the blade.

Joshua picked up the pace. He could only hold onto Seungcheol’s hips with one hand, so he dug his fingers in so hard he was sure to leave a bruise. It was hard to keep a solid grip, anyway, everything being slippery and red. And yet, he could pound into Seungcheol’s plump ass easily with how the man was eager to angle it up and spread his legs apart to allow Joshua closer. He was gripping the bedsheets, too, stabilizing himself to arch his body even better.

“I’m gonna kill you,” Joshua repeated himself. He pressed the knife just a little more strongly, just a tiny bit, and a bead of red appeared on Seungcheol’s neck.

“I’m gonna cum,” Seungcheol whined back, and the movement of his throat caused it to bleed even more.

He was close, Joshua could see, he was really going to cum just from being fucked like that, dick barely touched, with Joshua’s knife on his throat. Joshua himself felt close to the edge. The slippery pleasure on his cock chipped away the last bits of his reason, and he was a naked nerve, raw and fragile and burning with electricity of what it meant to be able to cause so much blood to flow, to take so much and still be able to take more. He didn’t need much to get pushed over the edge, just a few more thrusts, a few more drops of blood.

“Shua, oh God, oh God…” Seungcheol moaned and jerked his hips in an erratic motion, and arched his back even further. He was coming, shooting ropes of white contrasting with the red blood covering his skin. Drool was dripping from his dirty mouth, and his knuckles were both red and white with how hard he was squeezing his fists, and with each spasm he was calling Joshua’s name.

Joshua slit his throat in one fluid motion, no longer surprised with how easy it was to rupture skin and cartilage and tendons. Blood immediately burst out from the wound, spraying his face, warm and blindingly red, and Seungcheol’s body spasmed shortly with the violence of the trauma. His eyes rolled back, almost as if he were coming again, with the same ecstatic, dazed expression, before the muscles in his face gave out and became limp, as did his arms and chest and entire body.

Joshua fucked into him in silence, blood dripping from his nose and his knife, until finally, he came with a few violent thrusts, so intensely that he couldn’t even tell if he yelled out or not, head spinning, eyes shut closed so tight that when he opened them later, they hurt. 

He dropped the knife and pulled out of Seungcheol. When he tried to get off the bed, his legs shook, and he couldn’t stand, so he just allowed his trembling body to slide to the floor, where he cradled his head and waited for his breathing to regulate. Minutes have passed, and while it did calm down, his heartbeat didn’t. Finally, Joshua got up, shoved his dick back into his pants, and made his way downstairs, not thinking about what kind of state he’s leaving Seungcheol in.

Jeonghan greeted him with his usual sly smile. He was reclining on an armchair in what looked like a small office. Joshua wasn’t sure how he found him there.

“You got so messy,” Jeonghan said in lieu of a welcome.

Joshua looked over himself. There was barely a spot on him that wasn’t red.

“Did you have fun?”

“Yes,” Joshua managed to choke out. He thought about sitting down across from Jeonghan, but couldn’t force himself to move.

“Did you get what you wanted?”

Again, Joshua did not answer. Not expecting an answer, Jeonghan took a sip out of his drink, one that Joshua didn’t even register as existing before. He waited a bit before speaking again, observing Joshua, analyzing the way his eyes moved and his facial expressions shifted until he deemed the man up to the grueling task of talking. 

“Really, it’s a shame you got so dirty. I quite liked that shirt on you.”

“Do you not like it now that it’s changed color?” Joshua managed to muster out a smile to go with that answer.

“I actually don’t, but maybe we’ll get it washed.”

Joshua shrugged. “I’ll get a new one.” 

Jeonghan put down the drink he was holding on a nearby ending table. The clank of glass against wood caused Joshua to flinch and close his eyes instinctively. For just a split second his thoughts drifted away as if he was hearing a voice long gone and smelling gunpowder, and not standing in a private office. When he opened his eyes, he knew he was looking Jeonghan in the eye, but he felt like he was looking at a dead panther. Or maybe he was the panther, staring down the barrel of a gun, and Jeonghan was the one about to pull the trigger and blow his brains out.

“Should I go check up on Seungcheol?”

“Does he need checking up?”

Jeonghan chuckled. “By the amount of his blood on you, I can’t tell.” He got up and approached Joshua, and put a hand on his face, not caring that he’s smearing around the blood. Joshua leaned into the touch ever so slightly.

“Don’t I need checking up?”

“I’ve already checked up on you, Shua,” Jeonghan’s voice was soft with something Joshua could barely recognize. Maybe if he heard that tone of voice more often, he could learn what it means. Maybe if he had Jeonghan touch his face more, he thought, and then leaned in for a kiss.

Jeonghan reciprocated it gladly, softly, unlike the last time Joshua tried it. The kiss felt familiar like it came from a time long gone. When Jeonghan pulled away, Joshua closed his eyes slowly and allowed himself to stay in the same spot for a few seconds after Jeonghan already left.

He finished Jeonghan’s drink and left the office, too, but instead of going upstairs, he roamed the first floor until he found an exit to a terrace. The salty breeze from the sea refreshed him at first, but then caused him to tremble, wet clothes now cold. His palms stung. He wasn’t sure why. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for how long this chapter was in the drafts. I just wanted to make it perfect but then I had a small mental breakdown and I realized, perfection doesn't exist. Anyway, there's finally some proper sex and I hope at the very least it's not disappointing.


	4. Afterthought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. Violence and death are only fun in fiction where no one really gets hurt. Characters in my story can simply get up and be fine after receiving a bullet to the head. Real people can not. Stop police brutality. Stop systematized racism. Black lives matter. Remember, silence in times of injustice is equal to standing on the part of the opressor. If you don't want to catch yourself admitting to your kids that you just did nothing and watched dystopian government commit war crimes against unarmed civilians begging to not be killed maybe, at least sign some fucking petitions. Time for change is now. https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

It was well past midnight when Joshua saw Seungcheol again. He was clean and put together, no proof of any harm ever befalling his way, and when Jeonghan patted his ass, he gave a light chuckle. When he spoke, his voice wasn't as soft as when he begged to be hurt.

"So, you're staying the night, I assume?" 

Joshua reminded himself to talk with dignity and stop acting like a traumatized teenager. "Only if I'm welcome."

"But of course," Seungcheol smiled and sat down next to Joshua, perhaps a little closer than necessary. "You're very welcome here."

Jeonghan was silent, but with the heavy gaze he directed at them, it felt like he was taking part in the conversation. Joshua didn't pay it much mind.

"Glad to hear that. I'd hate to have to look for a hotel now, especially in this state," he gestured at himself. He was still covered in blood, now dry and disgusting, stiffening his clothes and sticking to his skin wherever he didn't manage to rinse it off when he briefly cleaned his face and hands in the sink.

"Don't you want a shower?"

"Don't you have a change of clothes?" Jeonghan cut in.

"I don't," Joshua admitted begrudgingly. "I tend to travel light. I'd love a shower though."

Seungcheol got up. "I'll lend you something, eh? We’ll get your stuff dry cleaned in the meantime." His voice faded off as he walked away from the study.

"No need," Joshua announced but Seungcheol already couldn't hear him. He looked at Jeonghan instead. "I can just get a new one."

"You don't care much about your clothes, do you?" Jeonghan barely looked up from his phone.

"Well, they're just clothes. They're not irreplaceable."

"Some are." Joshua thought he misheard, but then Jeonghan elaborated. "What I'm hearing is you just don't have any really good clothes."

"I do," he felt himself becoming defensive. "But I can always get more of them. I don't know if you know but money works that way."

Jeonghan shook his head and clicked his tongue. "That's one thing I'll never understand about the 21st century."

Silence stretched out between them as Joshua struggled to comprehend Jeonghan's remark.

"Jeonghan?"

"Mm?"

"How old are you?"

Jeonghan finally looked up from his phone, straight at Joshua, and then laughed bitterly. When he sighed, he seemed both amused and very, very tired.

"Well, anywhere between twenty three and infinite. Depends on how you decide to count time."

Joshua was already opening his mouth to retaliate when Seungcheol came back in, holding a change of clothes in his hands. "I ran you a bath."

"Aren't you sweet?" With a sigh, Joshua decided to let go of the previous subject. He got up and attempted to take the clothes from Seungcheol, but as soon as Joshua grabbed them, Seungcheol grabbed his wrist and pulled him closer.

"Do you want a guest room?"

"Hm?" He didn't understand immediately and wasn't given time to process.

"Sleep with me," Seungcheol insisted, his puffy eyes warm and glossy. "Us."

"Sure," Joshua wondered if he'll be allowed to withdraw his hand. He wasn't. 

"You could stay for a while."

"After tonight?"

"Yeah. I'd love to have you around."

Jeonghan cleared his throat from the sofa. Seuncheol passed him a look, and his expression changed from eager to embarrassed. Joshua wondered what sort of look Jeonghan was giving Seungcheol behind his back to cause that.

"Well, go get washed up first. The bathroom is to the left, by the black horse painting." He all but pushed the clothes into Joshua's arms and let go of his wrist.

"Thank you," he paid close attention to smiling as convincingly and realistically as he could. Seungcheol smiled back.

"We'll be in the main bedroom,"

"The one where…?" Joshua interrupted him. He didn't think it would have been cleaned up so fast.

"Oh, no, no. That's kind of, a playroom. Main bedroom is on the third floor."

Joshua nodded but didn't leave straight away. He wanted to hear something more and kept looking at Seungcheol, but after a few seconds he realized that's probably as much as he'll get out of the man as long as Jeonghan is present, and took off. He heard Jeonghan get up even before the door closed, but couldn’t make out anything from the words spoken later.

The water ran red almost as soon as he stepped into it. He only partially minded, still washing himself in it, not wanting to wait for a new bath to draw. There were toiletries easily accessible, and Joshua wondered if they were Seungcheol’s personal choices, or just guest usuals. The smell didn’t give him a hint.

A part of him wanted to sit curled up in the red water, milky with suds, until it grew cold and until his muscles started trembling. A part of him wanted to close his eyes and fall asleep like that, and to not even consider today’s events until he is forced out of his slumber, pale and with purple lips, more concerned with his shivering body than with his shaken mind. The bigger part of him, however, decided to pull the plug and let the stains on his body and conscience run down the drain. 

He didn’t ogle himself in Seungcheol’s clothes, disregarding the wall of mirrors judging him from the side. He suspected he knew what he looked like, an illusion of domesticity, sweatpants unfamiliar on his skin and t-shirt loose around his waist. It was surprisingly fitting, Joshua considered, remembering the difference between Seungcheol’s thick biceps and his own arms. The dirty clothes he left exactly where he took them off, not even bothering to kick them to the side.

On the third floor there was only one pair of doors; Joshua didn’t have to wander. Despite what Joshua was told, the room was dark and empty, the bed a pale white glow in the blue glow of the dark wood flooring. Without a second thought, Joshua let himself on it, carelessly putting his still-moist hair on the pillows. He was only able to watch the night sky for a little while before he drifted off to sleep, phone in hand, towel on his arms, resting on top of the covers like a child tired after a day in the park.

The next morning Joshua woke up to sunshine flooding the room and numbness filling his head like black cotton. For a second, he wasn’t sure what woke him up, but the mattress dipping to his side combined with the soft, wet noises quickly made him realize what’s happening.

Jeonghan was supporting himself by his elbows, half-lying, half-sitting on top of Seungcheol. Joshua wasn’t sure, having trouble seeing through Seungcheol’s arms, wrapped around Jeonghan in a tight embrace. They were kissing, absolutely unbothered by Josuha’s presence. He watched them for a moment, watched their lips disconnect and press together again, caught glimpses of their tongues and fluttering eyelashes. It was a good view to wake up to, he thought.

“Good morning,” he finally said when he felt like the two parted from each other for long enough for him to not be terribly intrusive.

“Good morning,” Jeonghan answered and opened his eyes.

With as much effort as a cat jumping, Jeonghan lifted himself off from Seungcheol and lunged to the side, flipping Joshua onto his back and straddling him. Joshua didn’t protest.

“You’re allowed a morning in bed with me. You might not know it yet, but that’s a privilege.” He raised his eyebrows when speaking, and puffed his chest out.

“True,” Seungcheol chuckled. He turned to his side, Joshua saw with the corner of his eye. “But that’s mostly thanks to me.”

“Oh, whatever.” Jeonghan didn’t take his eyes off Joshua, even when talking back to Seungcheol. He seemed way too interested in the way his fingers could close smoothly all the way around Joshua’s wrists.

The fingers on his arms felt foreign, and Joshua wondered if during all of their time together Jeonghan has never done that before, never held him by the wrists and pinned him down. It seemed unlikely, and yet Joshua wasn’t able to recall any instance. Half-asleep, he wasn’t even able to recall a single shared morning.

“What do you mean?” He asked either of the men, but then turned his eyes specifically to Seungcheol. That way he could ignore Jeonghan better.

“I convinced him to let the three of us have a bit of a lie-in”

“Isn’t that sweet of you?” Joshua gave Seungcheol his warmest smile, and Seungcheol smiled back, all sunshines and gums and crescent eyes. Jeonghan grasped Joshua tighter before letting his hands go.

“Aren’t you two just lovey dovey,” he smacked his lips impatiently and let himself fall to his elbows, hovering just inches above Joshua’s face, somehow still keeping the process graceful. Joshua was forced to look back at him.

The view was incredible. Jeonghan’s black hair contrasted with his pale, creamy skin, somehow making him seem even more otherworldly than the pale, almost white blonde he came to know him with. His large eyes were glossy, both dark and not at all that dark, reflecting mysterious light that pulled Joshua deep under. In hindsight, he couldn’t understand how he didn’t immediately realize Jeonghan’s not a regular human when every single one of his features screamed of sharp, distant, foreign beauty. 

Then, Jeonghan leaned further in and they kissed, and Joshua realized he must have been making a face again. Just like back on his island, just like when Jeonghan pressed him down suddenly, held his throat and pushed his tongue down, made Joshua moan and writhe and shake and fucked him thoroughly. The only reason he gave for his change of attitude was Joshua’s face, whatever that meant, and refused to elaborate. Back then Joshua didn’t understand, but now he was beginning to.

When they parted, Joshua was growing hard and breathless. Before he opened his eyes, there was a hand on his torso, pulling him from underneath Jeonghan, flipping him to the side and into another kiss. The mouth was immediately recognizable to him as Seungcheol, but he still opened his eyes just to look at the man knit his eyebrows together, completely enraptured in a kiss. This time, Joshua didn’t feel like biting.

They must’ve spent hours like that, Joshua thought, clinging onto each other, hands teasing but not quite reaching anything important, mouths messy and agape. Each time he turned around and clung to Jeonghan, or Seungcheol was manhandled into Jeonghan’s arms, or he pulled Seungcheol off from Jeonghan and into his own arms it felt like he was waking up from a deep dream or a trance. His eyes were hazy with visions of clenched fists and blood. He couldn’t tell the moans he was hearing from the cries of pain he was imagining.

It was over as suddenly as it began, with a moan from Seungcheol and a scratch from Joshua and a creak of the bed. Jeonghan was off and away, muttering something about a shower, wrapping his near-naked body in a silk robe and disappearing behind a pair of doors. Seungcheol jumped up, too, sitting upright on the bed and looking somewhere to the side, face obscured by his messy hair.

Joshua brought himself to a sitting position, too, and cleared his throat.

“So, what bit him?”

Seungcheol just shook his head. “No, no. He’s right.”

Joshua didn’t like that answer, so he waited in silence until Seungcheol said something more. He barely had to wait longer than he waited for the sound of water splashes to come from the bathroom.

“Sometimes, Han has to tell me what to do for my own good,” he laughed bitterly, like a fifty years old man just barely past his middle age crisis. “Makes sense he’d get mad when I don’t follow his advice, eh?”

There was still something left unsaid, Joshua thought, but he could deal with that. He got up from the bed and wanted to look for the towel he went to sleep with before noticing it hanging neatly from a nearby chair. He weighed the chances of Jeonghan folding it up versus Seungcheol, but decided that no matter who took care of him at night, the towel was rendered useless as an excuse anyway. Instead of following Jeonghan into the bathroom, he made his ways out of the room.

“I’m gonna grab coffee. I just hope you have something decent.”

Seungcheol assured him that he did, but the exact words were lost to Joshua, unable to hear him properly from the stairs.

When Jeonghan made it downstairs Joshua was already at the breakfast table, holding a cup of double espresso with cream and going through his social media feeds absent-mindedly.

“Hello, Shua,” Jeonghan’s hair was still wet, threatening to drip onto his velvet dress shirt. 

“I thought we’ve already exchanged our good mornings.”

“I suppose,” Jeonghan muttered, passing right by Joshua on his way to bang some cupboards and stare pensively into the fridge. Finally, he picked a handful of grapes and some cheese and sat opposite of Joshua, obstructing his view of the Vancouver shore line.

“So. What are your plans?”

“For today?” Joshua looked up from his phone. “Getting the nearest flight back to LA and eating lunch at Shutters. There’s a meeting I should be attending tonight, you know.”

Jeonghan waved his hand dismissively, or maybe he just caught a grape pit. “Yeah, but for later.”

“As in?” Joshua stared at Jeonghan, not understanding, until Jeonghan finally rolled his eyes and straightened his back, and got to the point.

“As in with your particular desires,” he jabbed, reminding Joshua of the retrospectively cringeworthy way he wrote the very forum post that led Jeonghan to him. It made Joshua defensive.

“Why, is there a problem? I’m all set, thanks.”

“So that’s it? You’ve had enough and you’re logging off?”

“Logging off, maybe, but I don’t know about the first part.” Even though he hasn’t thought about it yet, Joshua knew the words to be true as soon as they left his mouth. He would catch himself wanting more, sooner or later.

“That’s what I thought.” Jeonghan was eating the chunk of cheese like a piece of bread. “What I’m saying is, how much time do I have before you call me again?”

“Why call you? I can just arrange a playdate with Seungcheol whenever I want, can’t I?” When Jeonghan didn’t answer, Joshua pressed on in a mocking voice. “Is that not why you introduced me to him?”

“Partially,” Jeonghan made a sour expression. “And it seems I’m a good matchmaker.”

“I’m failing to see the problem.” Joshua put down his phone.

“You shouldn’t arrange a playdate with Seungcheol.”

Joshua stared at Jeonghan for a few seconds before he found it in him to answer. “What’s the logic behind this?”

Jeonghan picked his words carefully. “It’s not good for Seungcheol to get involved with… Ones like you.”

Joshua thought about what Seungcheol told him just moments before, and wondered how much of that was the actuality, and how much was Jeonghan being as manipulative as they come.

“Seungcheol is a big boy. He can manage himself.”

“Maybe he can,” Jeonghan clicked his tongue before starting the sentence again. “This is not what it’s about. You asked me to show you something, I did. You wanted more, I gave you more. Well then, if you still want more, why not get it from me again?” 

The air between them shifted when Jeonghan’s tone of voice smoothly changed from displeased to sultry. Joshua sighed impatiently, but considered Jeonghan’s words. Seungcheol was more than eager to go under Joshua’s knife however many times he would ask, giving Joshua all he could take. But Jeonghan… Jeonghan was offering even more.

“That’s right,” Jeonghan smiled like a cat who caught a bird. “I have never let you down before, have I?”

Jeonghan leaned across the table just to touch the side of Joshua’s head, and Joshua almost instinctively leaned into it. It felt easy, almost natural, reminding Joshua of all the nights they’ve spent together and making his fingers itch to be laid on Jeonghan’s body.

“What do you want to show me?” He asked, almost sure that the trade would be worth it, but needing real offers before he commited.

“A brave new world, Shua. But you have to promise me,” he played with the lobe of Joshua’s ear, pausing his words until he was sure he had Josuha’s attention. “You have to promise me to wait like a good boy.”

Joshua hated being called that. It reminded him of nothing but the times he naively let others take control of him, hoping that somewhere along the way they’ll also take control of his problems. The phone in his hand made a creaking sound when he squeezed it a little too hard. 

“Shua?”

“Alright,” he agreed. Greed, he told himself. He agreed because he was greedy, and wanted more, even more than what Seungcheol could give him. Not because Jeonghan asked.

Jeonghan smiled innocently and pat Joshua’s cheek. “Good.”

When Joshua got up, they kissed briefly, and the familiarity of the feeling spread through Joshua’s body like electricity. On the flight home, he still felt it in the fingertips, reminding him of the feeling of lips on lips, then on necks, then fingers in wounds, and then blood on his face. In his memories, the smell of Seungcheol’s blood merged with the smell of Jeonghan’s cologne until he couldn’t tell the two apart, curled up in his bed, staring into the sky, trying to remember how exactly was it different from the sky in Vancouver.

For the first few days, the conversation looped in Joshua’s head over and over, haunting even his dreams, until it seemed more like a daydream gone wrong than a real memory. Then it haunted him again, mockingly, until all memories of Jeonghan’s words seemed like direct lies told only to antagonize Joshua. He gave himself a week of proper behavior, of arranged deals and picked up phone calls and conversations before he broke in and looked for a particular name in his phone’s contacts.

‘Are you in Vancouver?’ He texted Seungcheol simply. He received his response merely minutes later.

‘Yes’.

Just as Joshua contemplated texting back, his phone buzzed again. 

‘Are you coming?’

His fingers itched to reply that yes, he’ll be coming, that all he needs is the address and he’ll be in Seungcheol’s living room this very evening. Seungcheol wanted him. Seungcheol would let him do anything. Seungcheol would cry in his arms again, mouth full of blood and eyes full of adoration. Instead, he tossed his phone to the side. An hour later, he picked it up to reveal a missed call from Jeonghan.

Joshua called back after just a second of hesitation.

“Hello?”

“Shua, darling,” Jeonghans voice was oddly warm. Joshua wasn’t used to hearing him happy without at least a tinge of lust in his tone. “Did you miss me?”

Joshua just sighed instead of answering the question, his impatience coming through. “Do you have something for me?”

“I’m in a really good mood. So good in fact that your inability to be courteous won’t even phase me.” There was some noise on the line before he spoke again, sounding slightly more far away from the phone. “I do have something for you.”

If Joshua felt remorseful, he didn’t let it show. “Tell me more.”

“Well, I think I not only found you a great match of a plaything, but I also figured out a way to make my life easier.”

“Are you suggesting I make your life difficult?” Joshua attempted to sound a little less mean spirited, not even worried about being rude towards Jeonghan per se, but because Jeonghan’s genuine good mood was so surprising he wasn’t ready to let that go just yet.

Jeonghan chuckled. “Of course you do. That’s the main reason I keep you around.”

“Glad to know that,” Joshua muttered, but Jeonghan didn’t seem to listen.

“What’s gonna happen is you’re gonna come with me to a certain… Party, let’s call it that, at a certain uh, bar, where we’re gonna get our hands on a little someone. And for that to happen I’m gonna need you in Seoul, as fast as possible.”

“Today? I don’t think...”

“Well, I mean, that’s a little too fast, but preferably tomorrow.” 

Joshua sat back down, only then realizing he instinctively got up. “Sure.”

Jeonghan’s voice changed slightly, from simply pleased to something more melancholic. Joshua wanted to believe it’s a good thing. “Have you ever been to Seoul?”

“Well, yeah.”

”Then do you know where the Glass Tower is?

“Yeah,” Joshua didn’t want to admit he had no idea. 

“Great. Well, we’re not going to the Glass Tower, but close enough. I’ll send you the precise address. Be there at 8pm. Oh, and Shua?”

“Yeah?” Joshua felt himself reduced to one word. He hated that. “What is it?”

“Dress up good.”

Jeonghan didn’t allow Joshua to ask what exactly it meant to dress up good before he mumbled a goodbye and ended the call. 

The normalcy of the conversation froze Joshua in place, and he felt full body chills realizing that behind the cryptic words and promises was probably another experience unlike anything he’s ever had before. Jeonghan’s warm, pleasant voice rang in his ears more than gunshots ever could, yet seemed precisely as terrifying. 

The evening found him in his private jet, taking a night flight to Seoul, a black tie suit hastily packed alongside his provocative leathers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that the whole lockdown thing should theoretically leave me with tons of time to write, but yall know how it is. Procastrination. You just cut your own hair and play minecraft for 10 hours a day instead of writing. I realize that absolutely nothing happens in this chapter and it was supposed to be a part of the next one, but had i done that it would have been an absolute monster of a read and I decided I'd rathre segment the work more for the sake of readability. And no, I won't end every other chapter with Joshua catching a flight because Jeonghan called. I promise.


	5. Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A ghoul and a human walk into a bar. Joshua has no idea what he's getting himself into and Jeonghan is not explaining much. A lot of unfamiliar faces. Some familiar faces.

Waiting wasn’t something Joshua practiced often, so after just a couple of minutes past the agreed meeting time he grew tired of it. The soft drizzle chilled him, not to the bone, but just uncomfortably enough that he didn’t want to take his hands out of his pockets to look at his phone or call Jeonghan to bitch about his tardiness. He moved deeper under the well-lit overhang of the nearby hotel, rolling his eyes at the hotel boy and telling him in rusty Korean that no, he didn’t need help. 

Despite checking a couple of times, Joshua still wasn’t sure if he got the correct address. It pointed to pretty much nothing, a building with no visible entrance, just a hole between two more fancy buildings, no sign of a bar of any sorts. Had he known where exactly they were going, Joshua would have walked in first, despite Jeonghan’s clear request. A striking suspicion told him that Jeonghan was very much aware of that, failing to mention the name of the bar or the precise location to avoid that course of action. Joshua scoffed, making a mental note to hold that against Jeonghan later.

He didn’t particularly pay attention to the car pulling up across the street, or the woman exiting it, only passing her a second glance when she swayed a little shutting the car’s door. She started walking in Joshua’s general direction, and he wondered briefly whether she was a drunkard mistaking him for someone else or was actually heading towards the hotel behind him. Only after she entered the circle of light surrounding the building did Joshua realize it wasn’t a woman at all, but rather, a man in a dress.

It took all of Joshua’s self control not to let his surprise show as his eyes met with Jeonghan’s. Still, he felt one of his eyebrows creeping up, no matter the fact that he reasoned to himself that this shouldn’t even make the top ten of the most interesting views he’s seen this past month.

Jeonghan arrived wearing a loosely fitted, flowy dress made out of black chiffon. It served pretty well in the department of hiding his rather masculine figure. His broad shoulders, however, were emphasised by his tailcoat style jacket, silk, white and red as if bloodstained and with a barbed wire pattern running vertically. When he walked, there was a clicking sound, making Joshua believe he was wearing heels as well. 

“What?” Jeonghan tucked his hair behind his ear in clearly fake coyness. It fell out immediately, too short to stay in place.

“Please don’t tell me you’re late because you were getting ready.”

“I’m late?” He looked genuinely surprised. Joshua sighed.

“Nevermind. So where are we going?”

Instead of answering, Jeonghan stayed silent and shifted a little, almost as if he wanted to pose better.

“Jeonghan? The bar?”

Jeonghan made an annoyed noise. “The fucking jacket is older than you, you know? You could at least pretend to notice.” He didn’t wait for Joshua to answer, and instead started click-clacking down the street. “Whatever. Bar. Sure.”

Just behind the hotel Joshua was waiting next to there was a door to what seemed to be a classy gentlemen’s club, with red velvet and leather. Joshua was half convinced that’s where they were heading, but Jeonghan bypassed the short line in front of the club in favor of another door right next to it, looking almost like a part of the same establishment, but not quite.

They walked in and Jeonghan exchanged a few words with a man that immediately walked up to them. They were promptly directed towards a narrow hallway, and then an elevator. Joshua couldn’t focus on where they were going, too busy thinking about how Jeonghan was throwing a fit because Joshua didn’t compliment him enough. Not laughing at his childishness was a skill that required full concentration.

When the elevator door opened, Joshua was sure they were underground. The whole place had no windows. Unlike the sleek, velvety interior upstairs, here he could see exposed brick pillars between the leather couches and low tables. Deep, slow electronic music echoed through the room, not loud enough to make conversation difficult, but loud enough to soften the moans that Joshua could hear coming from down the corridor.

“Is this a kink place?” He asked, pretty sure it wasn’t a bad moan echoing from behind the walls.

Jeonghan chuckled. “I wouldn’t say that but… Depends on what you’re into.” And then, a breath later, he added, “for you, maybe.”

No one seemed to bat an eye at their arrival. While Josuha felt like that was a good thing, it also meant he was forced to hold his coat in his hand after taking it off, with no coat check to take care of it. It was wet and unpleasant, even when flipped inside out, revealing a recognizable plaid. After some mental math he figured he’d rather carry the thing around and show off his ornately embroidered shirt.

They walked further in, and Jeonghan picked a pretty secluded spot to sit down, more in a hallway than in the main area of the establishment. There was an empty seat in front of them, but Jeonghan gestured for Joshua to sit next to him. He did. As much as he could from their spot, he tried looking around the room, focusing on the people this time.

Some guys were just hanging out on couches, a few of them handling knives and what looked like curved daggers. Some other guys were discussing quietly, glasses of alcohol in hands. One man walked out of a room, slamming the door, his leather apron and white shirt covered in blood. They all had one thing in common - everyone Joshua could see was incredibly gorgeous, of the pretty, fairy-like, ethereal variety. 

“Who are we here for?” Joshua couldn’t help but to wonder.

“Why?” When Joshua turned his head at the sound, Jeonghan was looking straight at him, studying him. “You see anyone you like?”

Joshua looked around again. His eyes fell on a man, or rather, a boy that looked more like a vision come to life than a real person. He had dark, perfectly almond eyes, pouty lips and skin so milky and smooth Joshua would believe it if he was told it’s actually just a porcelain doll that he’s looking at. With his pink hair, dressed in pastel shorts, he was standing out of his surroundings like a sore thumb, or perhaps a flower in a gutter; Yet, when their eyes met for a split second, before the boy looked away, Joshua felt the same chill down his spine that he felt when he first laid his eyes on Jeonghan. The sense of dread that should have hinted to him long ago that he’s not dealing with regular human beings.

“This one?” Jeonghan nodded in his general direction, noticing who he crossed eyes with. “With the bunny?”

Joshua didn’t even notice the stuffed bunny in the man’s lap until Jeonghan pointed it out. 

“Yeah, him.” He watched the pink-haired wonder’s dainty fingers tug at the bunny’s ears.

“Bad choice, Shua. That one is off limits.” Jeonghan tsked and shifted in his seat. His dress slid off his thigh, and the sight brought Joshua’s attention right back. 

“So. Are we waiting for anyone?” He asked again, trying to anchor himself before his eyes wandered to yet another man.

“Yes. And we shall wait if we have to.” 

As if on cue, a man sat on the sofa across from them.

“Ah, Jeonghan.” He smiled warmly, and there was a dimple in his right cheek. “Good to see you.” 

He was less delicate than the other men in the room, with broad shoulders, thick arms and a masculine aura. He was wearing two shirts, neither of them buttoned properly, allowing Joshua to see his smooth, sculpted chest. His small, plump lips were stretched in a bright smile. With smooth, round cheeks and a rounded jawline he too resembled a doll, but his eyes were narrow, hooded, piercing and not at all beady or doll-like.

Jeonghan shifted again, but this time nervously. “Jaeyoon. I gather you’re still holding the throne, then?”

“Of course, Hannie, I could never leave my boys!” The other man laughed. “Not when there’s no one to replace me.” His tone changed to a more pointed one.

“This is my new friend,” Jeonghan dodged the subject, whatever it was, gesturing at Joshua instead. “Introduce yourself, darling.”

“Joshua. Nice to meet you.” He added, cautiously.

“So it’s true you hang out with beaters now.” The other man ignored Joshua completely. “I mean, I don’t suppose you’re introducing fresh meat as darlings nowadays, but with you, one can’t be too sure.”

Jeonghan’s expression grew sour. Joshua realized he couldn’t recall seeing him so visibly offended in front of strangers before.

“Do you need anything, or are you just going to annoy me?” He started inspecting his nails in clear disdain of whatever Jaeyoon was trying to do.

“I don’t really need anything, Hannie, I just want quite a few things. Like an explanation.”

“We’re not doing that again.”

“Why? Cause you brought a beater and you don’t want to scare him too bad?” Jaeyoon grew impatient.

Jeonghan fell silent.

Jaeyoon took a deep breath and spoke again, this time calmer. “Why is he here with you?”

"Oh, he's just brought me here to show me the ropes." Joshua grew tired of getting excluded, and made his tone as biting as he could. "Does my beating heart bother you so much you're forgetting that I know how to make talking noises as well?"

Jaeyoon turned to him sharply, his expression a mix of disgust and surprise.

"You know what we do with ones like you?" His voice was warm, but his eyes were cold. 

"You're not going to use that line and expect me to be scared, are you?"

"Darling," Jeonghan didn’t sound too kind. “We’re not here for him, so don’t start a show.”

Joshua sighed, but decided to go with Jeonghan’s will. After all, if he assessed correctly, he was the only living person in the room, and there was no guarantee he would stay this way if he kept being antagonizing. He looked away, leaned back, and tried his best to put on a neutral expression. 

“I hope he’s as good at sucking dick as he is as talking back,” Jaeyoon was back to speaking to Jeonghan only. It only mildly infuriated Joshua.

“Oh don’t worry,” Jeonghan piped up, placing his hand on Joshua’s thigh, as if trying to keep him seated. “He is.”

“If you’re interrogating Jeonghan about his new boytoy, you may as well stop now. He’s not gonna tell you much,” a voice came from behind where they were sitting. Joshua looked back at whoever was talking, but Jeonghan seemed to recognize the mysterious guest by voice alone, if his smirk was anything to go by.

Without blood covering his face and with his toned body clothed, it took Joshua a second to recall where he'd seen the man before, but his round face and small, piercing eyes were unique enough for Joshua to remember. It was the same man Jeonghan had on his knees in his Singapore rental, hurling insults left and right whenever he still had his tongue in his mouth. Joshua struggled to remember his name. 

“Hi, Jihoon,” Jeonghan solved the problem for him. “How nice of you to come and save me from Jaeyoon’s bullying,” there was artificial resentment in his voice.

“Don’t get me wrong. I don’t actually care about who he plans to eat for his next meal,” Jaeyoon piped in, throwing his hair back in annoyance. Joshua found himself wondering just how much of a joke that was. What if ghouls really ate people? He had no idea, after all.

“Right. So why are you so upset over this?” Jihoon asked, as if he wasn’t speaking of Joshua even worse just weeks ago.

Jaeyoon narrowed his eyes, and then got up. “And why are you here? You finished with your jobs?”

Jihoon didn’t respond, and instead opted to watch Jaeyoon walk out from between the sofa and the table, and then fix his shirt, throwing one last look to Jeonghan.

“We’re not done with this conversation,” he tried to catch Jeonghan’s eyes, but Jeonghan was more focused on the hem of his dress.

“Yes, we are. Bye, Yoonie.”

Just like that, Jaeyoon walked away, and Jihoon quickly sat down in his place. He was a stark contrast to the man, looking childlike at first but with undeniable manliness to his posture and demeanor, whereas Jaeyoon’s virile disposition was contrasted by his boyish facial features. Even down to their clothes, they were drastically different, Jihoon’s careless streetwear against Jaeyoon’s relaxed elegance. Yet, the longer Joshua looked, the more he could pinpoint a similarity between them - the intense, magnetizing look in their eyes and the staggering, charismatic aura. 

“Nice to see you swoop in and save the day,” Jeonghan passed the man a warm smile.

“Yeah, nice to see you again,” Joshua had a feeling that he’s going to annoy Jihoon with what he was about to say, and that made him want to say it even more. “You’re looking much better than last time I saw you.”

Instantly, Jihoon’s eyes sparkled with an electric type of anger. “Don’t get fucking clever with me. Do you not realize you’re a mouse in a cat’s den?”

Joshua thought he really ought to be more scared, but he couldn’t bring himself to shut up. Not when he already knew what Jihoon looked like naked, bloody and begging. He opened his mouth to retort, and then felt a hand on his knee, again.

“Sweetie, hold back for like, five minutes, alright?” Jeonghan had an amused smirk on his face. Joshua muttered an agreement, but not before rolling his eyes.

“No, no, let him talk,” Jihoon waved his manicured, perfectly dainty hand. “He really thinks he’s a big boy wearing big boy pants.”

Jeonghan shut him up with a single look, but only for a moment. Jihoon then spoke again, this time calmer.

“So what’s the deal? How do I get absolved from my sins? I have a feeling I’m not gonna like it, huh?”

Jeonghan laughed. “It’s not that bad. In fact, I think you’re both gonna like it.”

“What?”

“Start by listing your limits, please,” Jeonghan was speaking calmly in the face of Jihoon’s fiery indignation. 

“Oh, that’s your fucking plan? That’s how I get back to you? Oh. Oh sure.” He leaned back and raised his hands as if to say ‘there you go’. A flurry of expressions passed through his face, but most of them looked to Joshua like different types of annoyance and anger, until he finally settled on something that was closer to amusement. “Sure, let’s fucking do this, let’s see what your new pet is made out of.”

It was at this point that Joshua understood what was going on. Obviously, Jihoon listing his limits was not for Jeonghan to recall, but for Joshua to get to know. The new plaything Jeonghan was talking about was Jihoon, and apparently Jihoon had enough of a debt with Jeonghan to warrant having an entire session with him. The only question in Joshua’s mind was if Jeonghan really thought it’s a good idea, remembering how fierce and hateful Jihoon was when he first met Joshua, and the sort of attitude he was displaying now.

“I don’t see a problem,” Joshua replied, putting on his prettiest smile. “I thought we had quite some fun the last time.”

“The last time,” Jihoon was seething. “You were pissing your pants and doing whatever Han tells you to do. Makes me think you’re a little pussy.”

Again, Joshua struggled with perceiving Jihoon as any sort of challenge, when he remembered how obediently quiet he was, bleeding out onto the tiles, until Jeonghan allowed him to speak again. 

“Hard limit on dying. I don’t quite come back from that,” Joshua was only half-joking when he changed the topic. Jihoon took the bait. 

“Very funny. You want to act like tough shit, sure,” He leaned forwards, looking Joshua right in the eye. “Don’t complain when things get too heavy.”

Joshua wished he had a glass of liquor to hide his smirk, but he didn’t, so he just attempted to make it as sweet as he could. “Thank you for your concern.”

“No recording, no cameras. No biological warfare," he shot Jeonghan a very pointed look as he spoke, making Joshua wonder if he perhaps misheard something. "And no mass destruction weapons."

"Sweetie, I don't think Joshua has access to either," Jeonghan was acting like his Joshua's knee was the most interesting thing he's touched in his entire life, again making Joshua wonder if he's mishearing something. 

"Soft limit on assault rifles and shit like grenade launches."

"But handguns are okay?" Joshua found himself interrupting. The level of abstraction of the conversation was getting to him and making him feel strangely amused. Jihoon, however, shrugged in response, perfectly serious. 

“Whatever.”

Joshua wondered for a second if there was anything else left for him to say, to list, but he couldn’t bring himself to think of anything that could make his life difficult while he would be the one to draw the blood, not the one getting hurt. The conversation was abstract, sure, but just thinking about drawing blood again made his head whirr, excitement tinged with fear in an already familiar way. He wondered, self consciously, if his heartbeat’s pace picking up is noticeable enough for the ghouls around him to hear it.

"Red, yellow and green?" He asked, remembering how Jeonghan mentioned these safe words to be a standard practice. Jihoon just nodded.

"Glad to see you two get along," Jeonghan cheered sarcastically. 

"Boggles my mind why we're here for that, though." Jihoon's voice immediately mellowed out when he addressed Jeonghan.

“I too have some debts to pay, and I'm killing two birds with one stone."

Jihoon frowned. “Elaborate.”

“We’re doing a show." Jeonghan smiled a bitter smile, and judging by Jihoon's deep sigh, Joshua figured he was missing some context.

"What do you mean, show?" he inquired, and was pleasantly surprised to see Jeonghan actually turn his attention towards him.

"You don't need to know everything, Shua," he chimed, and despite his words, continued. "It's just that sometimes we need to scare some people, sometimes we need to test some people. So what we do is we have our house guests watch as we… Collect information."

Joshua nodded. He understood the codewords far too well. House guests were usually held against their will and collecting information was just a nice name for torture.

"But sometimes we don't have anyone to collect information from. So we just, you know, play."

Jihoon snorted. "You should know, shouldn't you?"

"I do pride myself on giving a bloody good show, yes," Jeonghan sneered. "But now the privilege of starring in the performance goes to you two."

Jihoon was quick to respond, and Josuha remembered Jeonghan’s words from long ago. Perhaps Jihoon really put on more of a show when people were watching.

“Two birds with one stone sounds about right coming from you, just make sure your loverboy’s up to the task. Amateur face slapping has never scared anyone.”

“I’m still in the room,” Joshua reminded, and wished he had a glass full of alcohol to help him wash down the rest of his conscience. He fully intended to let it go down the drain.

Jeonghan was graceful when getting up, clearly not his first time in long, flowy clothing.

“Great,” he said. “Let’s go?”

Somewhere between begrudgingly and obediently, Jihoon got up and followed right behind Jeonghan, and Joshua tailed him, trying not to think about how he felt several sets of eyes guide him down the corridor. The feeling only passed when they reached a set of heavy, metal doors, and Jeonghan pushed them open, letting all of them in.

In the room there were four chairs lined up by the wall, all of them occupied by men in various stages of physical distress and consciousness, all tied up. Jeonghan paid them no mind as he passed them by, instead approaching the table and two chairs set in front of the four seats, on the opposite side of the room. Other than a few doors and some hooks and chains in the ceiling, the room was completely bare, and reminded Joshua of a serial killer’s cellar. Not that he’s ever been to one.

Jeonghan pulled one of the chairs away from the table and closer to the wall, so that he’d a view of both the four guys and the table.

“What? Have fun,” he simply said when Joshua passed him a questioning look.

“So those are the house guests?” He gestured with his head to the four occupied chairs. “Watching?”

Jeonghan crossed his legs carelessly. “That’s right. Don’t mind them too much.”

“What? Having doubts?” Jihoon sneered and sat down on the other chair. Joshua didn’t have it in him to answer.

“Am I supposed to just use my teeth or something? Where are the fucking toys,” he felt his tone become less collected, felt himself be less in control of himself. Perhaps it was the proximity of four guys, all seemingly around his age, all clearly abused and tortured, that affected him this way. Perhaps it was just Jeonghan.

“Oh, in the room,” Jeonghan pointed to one of the doors on the wall. It seemed like he genuinely forgot to mention anything, and then he smirked knowingly.

Joshua didn’t waste his time heading to the room to find anything useful. He didn’t know what to expect, but when the light buzzed on, illuminating walls of workshop tools, blunt weapons, medical equipment as well as a few knives, he realized he should have expected just about that.

Torture instruments.

Without thinking much, he grabbed a crowbar, just to grab anything. It was old and almost rusty, and felt wrong to hold. He gave it a swing, and almost knocked into some ropes loosely coiled around a hook in the ceiling.

“Come on, don’t be shy,” Jihoon beckoned from the other room.

Of course, Joshua thought. He could stay there in the spare room and pick a weapon to his liking. He could look at all of them and imagine the possible damage he could do to Jihoon, make up scenarios until he was satisfied. Jihoon’s mocking wouldn’t do much more than echo against the walls. He knew that there was no need to rush. And yet.

Just four steps took him out of the supply room and close to the table. Fifth step, and Joshua was stable on his legs, tightening his muscles, bracing his body for the impact. Holding the crowbar with both hands, he took a swing again, aiming for Jihoon’s surprised, childish face.

Jihoon’s body was half thrown onto the table with the impact of the hit, and his nose, angled in an unnatural way, burst blood all across his chin and mouth. It took Jihoon a few seconds to stop coughing and spluttering, to be able to talk again.

“Is this your way of letting out stress or something?” The seething hatred in his voice didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Shut up,” Joshua answered simply. He was glad he didn’t lower the crowbar, because it was more than easy to just smash it down again, aiming for Jihoon’s head. This time the impact wasn’t as dramatic, and the heel of the crowbar bounced off Jihoon’s skull with a loud thud, not really doing any damage. If anything, it was Joshua’s arms that hurt with the strain.

He lifted the piece of iron and then struck again, this time even harder, and then again, bashing Jihoon’s head into the table with each hit, preventing him from getting up, letting the blood from his nose cover the tabletop until it glistened deep maroon. The angle occurred to him as ineffective, and he started swinging the crowbar sideways, letting the claw dig into Jihoon over and over, hitting the side of his head, the back of it, his ear, anything, until he felt winded and out of breath and disheveled and had to stop and collect himself.

Drops of blood dripped down from the claw of the crowbar when he lowered it to his side. It also dripped down from the table, splatters quiet against the cement, and when Joshua wiped his mouth of sweat and collected red on his sleeve, he realized he was covered in it, too. With his skull a bashed in, gory mess and the side of his face a hack job, Jihoon was most likely dead.

With a heavy exhale, Joshua fixed his hair.

“That was a dramatic entrance,” Jeonghan mused from his chair. He was fiddling with the fabric of his dress.

For the time being, Joshua realized, the fun was paused. He put the crowbar on the table, next to Jihoon but away from the pool of blood forming around his messed up head. “Are you gonna criticize me?”

Jeonghan shook his head. “No, no, it’s pretty effective.” He then pointed to the four chairs with his eyes. Joshua spared them a glance.

One of the men seemed to be passed out. The other three were wide awake, twitching in horror, struggling against their confines, be it metal bands fastening their hands to the chairs or simple ropes around their bodies. One of them had a bag over his head, but the other two had their eyes fixed on Joshua. Only when Joshua looked at them back did he realize they were moaning in horror, mouths gagged, and that he’s been hearing their yells since he took the first swing.

“Fun,” he smiled to himself. As he took another deep breath, still winded up, he realized his body was barely trembling. Just the slightest tremor in his fingers as he fixed his hair up and away from his face. It made him feel like a professional. It made him feel satisfied.

“Is this what you wanted?” Jeonghan didn’t sound mocking at all, just curious. Joshua had to think a little about the answer. The muffled cries of fear weren’t helping him focus.

“I don’t think, no. I just got tired of his talking.”

Jeonghan nodded, as if he understood perfectly. “Well, then. Go on. Have fun.” He gestured to the door again, as if telling Joshua to go on, enjoy himself, pick another weapon. 

The plethora of possibilities all lined up on the shelves seemed like more than anyone could ever realistically need. Joshua wondered just how many of the instruments were used before, tried to find specks of blood or dirt on them, tried to find the local favorites. His heart kept singing to the bottom of his stomach as he found absolutely nothing that was in pristine condition, save for the several medical tools that were wrapped inside sterile bags. He struggled to imagine just how many people were tortured for show in the same spot Jihoon was in, how many people stood where Joshua did, picking between dull and sharp pain, picking between quick and painful death.

The moans and noises behind him alerted him to Jihoon’s awakening. He grabbed the heaviest looking mallet he could lift and went out to welcome him.

Jihoon didn’t say anything as Joshua approached the table. For a second Joshua wondered what brought on the sudden decrease in snarkiness, and then he remembered his own words from before.

“You’re much more palatable when you’re quiet,” he let the metal of the mallet hit the floor. It bounced off the concrete. Jihoon followed the bounce with his eyes, slumped back in his chair, his nose slightly more straight, but no less covered in blood.

“So I was thinking, how well do you take a cock up your ass?” Joshua chided.

At that, Jihoon’s eyes snapped up. With his lips pressed into a thin line he was obviously reluctant to answer. Instead, he lifted his middle finger at Joshua.

Joshua couldn’t make up his mind as to what was more unexpected coming from Jihoon; the wordless obedience or the incessant antagonizing. When he locked his eyes with Jeonghan’s, the smirk on his face made Joshua think that puzzle’s not easy to solve.

“Hand on the table,” Joshua ordered, and Jihoon followed, putting one of his hands on the wet surface, right in the puddle of his own blood. The other hand, though, he still used to flip Joshua off.

“Both,” Joshua barked out. As soon as Jihoon obeyed, Joshua lifted the heavy hammer and swung it right into the hand Jihoon used to make the obscene gesture. He missed just a bit, and instead of smashing right into the bridge of the hand, he only hit Jihoon’s pinky, smashing it open, hearing bone crunch under the impact.

Jihoon cried out in pain and instinctively went to grab his hurt finger, trying to pry it from underneath the face of the mallet.

“Don’t fucking touch it,” Joshua contred, and lifted the mallet just high enough to whack it down again, this time hitting perfectly.

The mallet rolled off, flat surface awkward against bone and tissue that stubbornly refused to get flattened. The amount of force required by Joshua to lift it again was almost too great, despite all the personal training and private gyms. He started regretting his weapon choice as he lowered it again, hitting the other hand, making sure it’s unusable, hurt and bleeding. Making sure Jihoon is screaming in pain.

“That’ll do,” he muttered when putting the mallet down, as if he simply achieved all he wanted, and wasn’t simply defeated by the effort of swinging several pounds of metal around. 

The damage he’s done was looking absolutely brutal, in a sense even more raw than Seungcheol’s slit throat has been. It almost made Joshua want to throw up, but the adrenaline in his veins quickly silenced the thoughts. 

“You can talk again,” he said calmly between heavy exhales. He expected Jihoon to assault him with curses immediately, as he did way back when with Jeonghan, but instead Joshua received just a couple of whines.

“Don’t you have anything to say?” Joshua mocked. It was enough to get Jihoon to grit his teeth and try to force out a few words.

“You trying to compensate for something with the size of this thing?” He pointed to the mallet with his head. 

Joshua considered answering, but ultimately decided against it. Jihoon needed to come up with something better to get to see his cock, he thought.

"Take off your shirt," he ordered, earning himself a dirty look from Jihoon.

Blood was running from Jihoon's mangled hands right down his forearms and dripping from his elbows, his fingers sticking out in weird directions, part of them flattened beyond recognition. There was absolutely no way for Jihoon to be able to grasp onto the fabric of his shirt, pull it over his head, take it off. He hardly made a move to attempt to do that, and Joshua found that distasteful. He wasn't trying to have Jihoon do something easy. He wanted to watch pain and struggle.

"I said take off your shirt, hurry up," he pressed on and shoved one of Jihoon's arms almost childishly. The action made Jihoon's useless hands flop against the table and Joshua almost gagged at the sound they made, yet he couldn't stop looking. 

Jihoon tried to wriggle out of the fabric using his elbows and forearms, only spreading his own blood further and not achieving much other than getting the fabric out from under his belt. His wrists were slightly more useful as he pushed his shirt up with them, but every ounce of pressure against the exposed bones made him shiver, curse and stop. Finally, he tried hooking the shirt under the base of his thumb to get the garment up and over his head but that proved fruitless. His thumbs were too far detached from the rest of the hand. Only when Jihoon collapsed backwards, leaning into the chair, shirt pushed up to his armpits and no further, breathing as if he's just run a marathon, did Joshua decide he's got enough of the spectacle. 

"Alright, pathetic," he groaned. 

"Fuck you," Jihoon answered between pants. 

Joshua was already opening his mouth to retaliate when there was an abrupt knock at the door, cutting Josuha off and making everyone in the room look at the door. Well, except the four tied gentlemen.

“Come on in,” Jeonghan called out from his seat, as if he was the busy one in the situation.

A tall, tan man entered the room. His profile looked pretty much perfect with a jawline sharp enough to cut, and with his piercing black eyes and stylishly parted hair, he looked like the epitome of “dark and handsome”. Slowly getting used to the tell-tale breathtaking nature of ghouls, Joshua could bet money on the inhuman nature of the guest.

“Long time no see,” he made a surprised expression when his eyes met Jeonghan’s. Jeonghan smiled in response.

“Well, I’m just dropping by.”

The dark and handsome looked almost apologetic as he rubbed his neck. “Were you in the middle of something?” He asked, and Jeonghan shook his head.

“No, no, go on.”

“Actually, yes,” Joshua put a hand on the mallet, not quite grabbing it, but just reminding everyone in the room that he was indeed busy.

Jeonghan rolled his eyes. “Just those two over here, the house guests are all free.”

“Oh.” Only then did dark and handsome finally address Joshua at all.. “Well. Don’t mind me, I’m just checking up on the guys.”

Without as much as another glance at either Joshua or Jihoon, the man started checking ropes and ties on the four gentlemen in their chairs in what seemed like a well practiced, familiar routine. Joshua felt like he should just continue and like he should pay attention to the dark and handsome at the same time. Ultimately, after he realized nothing eventful was happening over the opposite wall, he turned his focus back to Jihoon.

The small man’s expression was less pained and the cold sweat was almost gone from his face. His hands were significantly better looking, both of them holding together instead of splitting into contorted shapes, the flesh no longer dangling off the bones limply.

“Shirt,” was all Joshua had to say for Jihoon to resume the grueling activity of trying to dress himself. It took him much less effort the second time around, seeing as he could almost use his fingers, only whining in pain once as the collar of his shirt dug into an open wound. When he threw the garment onto the floor, it was properly red, and made a sloppy sound.

“Disgusting,” Joshua couldn’t help but comment.

Jihoon’s lips were slightly trembling, and something told Joshua it had nothing to do with fear and everything to do with the bulge in his pants. He swallowed down heavily between spitting out the words. “Fuck. You.”

Between seeing Jihoon’s wounds slowly close up and heal, and thinking about Jihoon’s erection, Joshua realized one of those things was significantly more interesting to him. The way his body could pull itself together, almost unnoticeably, until there was barely any evidence of anything ever going wrong made something in Joshua churn, shiver, growl for more. A feeling settled in his stomach telling him that he needs to take absolutely everything he can and witness every last limit of this magnificent ability of Jihoon’s. 

“Are you having a problem?” Jeonghan asked, and only when Joshua lifted his head, did he realize the words were not directed at him at all.

“Yeah, I think.” The dark and handsome was looking pretty troubled. Joshua thought the expression made him look helpless, almost like a lost puppy.

“Need me to help you?” Jeonghan was halfway up from his chair when the dark and handsome gestured “no”. 

Without another response to Jihoon, he approached the chains dangling from the hook in the ceiling, not too far away from the table. He tried to figure how to get them to uncoil from the sheave block, but all he managed to achieve is make clunking noises and cover the chains with blood. 

“Jeonghan? Help me out?” He asked, but Jeonghan didn’t even twinge in his seat.

“I’m not getting blood on this jacket, are you stupid?” Jeonghan raised an eyebrow at him.

“Then take off your jacket?” Joshua pressed on, but he knew he was fighting a losing battle. Jeonghan barely even scoffed at him in response.

“What do you even want to do?”

Joshua shook his head instead of answering. Fortunately, he managed to force the chains down and loosen them, and even find a large clip hook dangling off the end of them. It was more than perfect for what he had in mind.

When Joshua pulled Jihoon off the table, he expected resistance, but not quite as much as he received. He had to use quite a bit of force, however, dragging Jihoon by his hair and onto the floor and through the puddles of blood. With a barked out series of orders, he managed to get the man to raise his hands behind his back and wrap the chain around his wrists, securing it in place with the clip hook. It was a messy shackle, but it got the job done.

When Joshua pulled down on the other end of the chain, Jihoon was forcefully pulled up. With his arms still behind him, he was forced into an uncomfortable position, half kneeling and half dangling from the chains. With how strained his shoulder joints were, Joshua was surprised he didn’t shout out. 

“I suggest you spread your legs if you want to stay up,” Joshua warned before he pulled again. It took quite an effort out of him, but he managed to get Jihoon high enough for his legs to be fully straightened. He spread them apart, less out of obedience and more because that was the only position in which he could keep any sort of balance when he was forced to bend forwards and stick his hands up.

Joshua left to the supply closet once again, making sure that his breathing was calmed down and returned to normal before he returned. He only spent half of that time looking for the big, wire cutting shears he remembered from earlier.

“Jeonghan, I thought he’s supposed to be talking too much?” Joshua teased when Jihoon didn’t respond to his presence.

“Don’t know what to tell you,” Jeonghan shrugged. “I think he’s enjoying himself plenty.”

Jihoon groaned in protest and pulled at his chains, but it did nothing except cause noise to echo against the drab walls. “Suck my cock,” he finally choked out, defeated. Joshua welcomed that insult with a smirk, and then ignored it completely.

“Tell me, Jihoon, how fast does an arm grow back?” When Joshua spoke, he made sure to be in Jihoon’s field of view. In his position, Jihoon was only able to lift his head up for short periods of time, but Joshua wanted him to be acutely aware of every step he takes, able to see his shoes at all times. 

He thought about warning Jihoon before he deals the first damage, but ultimately decided that Jihoon doesn’t deserve that luxury. That the press of the cold blade against his skin will be enough. He positioned the shears against Jihoon’s arm, just below his elbow and pressed with all his might, and as soon as the blades cut into flesh, blood gushed out, nearly staining Joshua and running down Jihoon’s arms, onto his already covered back, onto the floor. 

“Are you fucking with me,” Jihoon growled out when he stopped screaming. Joshua didn’t care. His screams no longer seemed deafening.

Despite what he hoped for, Jihoon’s arm was still very much attached to his body. It seemed that he didn’t even nick the bone, despite having pressed quite harshly. The effort made Joshua’s muscles burn, and he was telling himself that the overwhelming stench of blood in the air was only slightly adding to the way he felt dizzy. 

“I’m trying to make you fall onto your face,” Joshua tried again, and repositioned the shears deeper into the open wound. He could see the bone, he thought as he forced the skin and muscle apart, way less deeply buried under the tissue than he would have assumed it to be.

Again, he pushed the blades of the shears together as hard as he could, pulling a face at the effort, but other than Jihoon tugging on the chain violently and bleeding more, nothing changed. He placed the shears on the table for quick access, and reached over for the knife instead. It was almost entirely covered in blood and threatened to slip out of Joshua’s hands if he’s not careful. He squeezed it tighter.

“That’s the kind of scene you arrange with everyone who flips you off?” Jihoon panted, head arched as far up as it went. His voice was coming out breathy and strained. Joshua smiled at him coldly.

“No, I just feel like this with you.”

Jihoon’s head quickly fell forwards, and he only had the time to take a few more breaths before Joshua pressed the blade of his knife against his other arm. The gush of blood was much less violent, this time flowing down Jihoon’s arms rather than spraying out everywhere, which Joshua was glad about. As he moved the blade back and forth, trying to hack away at Jihoon’s arm, trying to remove chunks of flesh from his body, his own forearms steadily became more and more stained red. Blood was flowing down from his wrists and dripping from his elbows. He made sure not to get any on the sleeves of his shirt.

The knife in Joshua’s hand quickly became too slippery to be handled, and Joshua was forced to give up on his work before he managed to get even a single slice of the tissue detached from Jihoon’s body. Disappointed, he grabbed the shears again, but they were slippery in his hands too. When he tried to break Jihoon’s other bone, the shears nearly fell out of his grasp and onto Jihoon’s back. Angry and annoyed, he put them down on the table, splattering even more blood.

“Everything is so fucking dirty,” Joshua cursed. “You bleed like a fucking pig.”

Jihoon laughed breathlessly. He didn’t even lift his head. “And it’s my fault now?”

“Yes,” Joshua replied just to mock him.

A small trickle of blood made its way from Jihoon’s arms and down his neck, and then down his jawline. For some reason, the sight aggravated Joshua further, making him want to grab the shears again, try again, break Jihoon’s bones until both of his hands were dangling uselessly at the chains and Jihoon was an armless, disfigured mess on the floor. He wanted to watch until his arms grew back and wanted to cut them again, and then wanted to see just how fucking long until he will go insane, watching a man hold his own arms as if they weren’t cut off his body minutes ago. And yet, everything was slipping out of his hands. 

Joshua tried wiping his hands against the only dry part of the table he could find, still unwilling to stain his clothes more than necessary. It didn’t help much, but it helped him grab the previously discarded mallet, this time securely. Somehow the weight seemed much less unpleasant as he lifted it again. Almost as if he could swing it as much as he wants to, this time, almost as if he could do it effortlessly.

The first strike hit precisely where it was supposed to, and Joshua barely managed to guide the mallet down without dropping it from the recoil of the impact. Jihoon’s arm violently bent backwards at the elbow, breaking with a guttural crunch, one that Joshua almost felt more than heard. The bone was sticking out of Jihoon’s arm, ripping his flesh apart, a sight so wrong that it almost pulled Joshua out of his haze. 

“Still fucking attached?” Jihoon cried out. Joshua thought he might have repeated it several times, or maybe he was crying something else out. Joshua couldn’t tell, only focused on how hard the mallet was to lift when it was air light seconds ago. It was useless, then, he decided in a flash and looked around for the shears again. 

There was hardly anything dry for Joshua to wipe his hands against as he grabbed the slippery handles of the shears. He tried wiping his hands against Jihoon’s hair again, then against the fabric of his trousers. It helped, and he squeezed the shears much more confidently. 

As soon as the metal was against Jihoon’s skin, his screaming turned into laughing. “Try a little harder, bastard!” His body was shaking, and Joshua couldn’t tell if it was with the power of the trauma or with the effort of screaming.

The blades of the shears slotted against a particularly torn tissue perfectly. Joshua could hardly see them through the layers of red, but as he moved the blades, the metal glistened, telling Joshua that he’s already between layers and layers of tissue, that he’s as deep as he can ever get when he finally pressed. It was disgustingly soft and relenting where it absolutely shouldn’t be, until it was not. 

Not willing to get red-faced with effort again, Joshua retracted the shears almost as soon as he experienced resistance. The mallet was too disgustingly heavy for him to try to lift it again, and the shears were already in his hands. He swung them, aiming for anywhere on Jihoon’s arms, again and again, every hit sending a jolt through his body and making him lift the damned shears back up.

The blades cut Jihoon’s skin shallowly open wherever they hit, but that wasn’t nearly good enough for Joshua. One of the hits must have hit particularly perfectly over Jihoon’s elbow because it forced it to go backwards, collapse on itself, contorting Jihoon’s standing position into an even more bended one. His cries of pain and the ringing in Joshua’s ears were becoming one to the point where Joshua hardly noticed that they disappeared. Not when he was grabbing the knife again, ready to use it to hack open the broken elbow and cut through all of the tendons. Not when everything was slippery and red.

“Red,” Jihoon spat out.

For a second Joshua wasn’t sure what he was hearing. He held the knife up mid-motion, taken aback by the sheer surprise of Jihoon’s regular voice, not a shout, not a curse.

“Red,” he said again, and shuddered lightly.

Jeonghan was up from his chair in an instant, almost running to Jihoon’s side, and it was when it filtered to Joshua just what was being said. With no hesitation he put the knife away and reached to loosen the tension from the sheave block, let Jihoon down from his position, unwrap the chains around his wrists. The last one was difficult to do, seeing as Jihoon’s arms were almost completely limp, making guttural, disturbing noises as he attempted to move them to the front of his body.

Joshua expected a man who just called the all-stopping safeword to look emotionally distressed. Instead, he looked vaguely worried and perhaps slightly uncomfortable.

“What happened?” Joshua asked, genuinely confused, when Jihoon was already standing on his own, pretty stable for someone who just had their arms mangled.

“I think I know,” Jeonghan muttered, and Jihoon just turned away in response, still trying to hold his arms in front of himself, hide them, turn away from the four chairs, three men by the wall. 

Joshua felt completely lost, but Jeonghan seemed to know what to do. He grabbed Jihoon’s dirty shirt from the floor and shoved it into the man’s arms, helping him attempt to cover himself, or at least the worst part of the damage. Barely a few seconds later, the door to the room burst open.

Three men walked in. One of them Joshua immediately recognized as the pastel shorts guy, and the other as having come into the room before. The third one was a new addition. 

“Sorry about your friend here,” the pastel pink man spoke, and the dark and handsome from before grabbed the unconscious victim in the chair by his shoulders. The newest addition to the squad wasn’t listening, though.

“Jihoon?” He asked, breaking away form the group and taking a few timid steps towards the blood covered table. “Oh my god, are you fine?”

“I’m okay,” Jihoon lied with a shockingly convincing smile. 

The stranger was unconvinced, his eyes comically large and expressive eyebrows wrinkling his entire forehead as he raised them. He was still extremely beautiful, though, almost to the point where Joshua wondered if he was another ghoul. He’s never seen a ghoul act shocked at the sight of physical distress, though, but he wondered that maybe not all of them are like Jeonghan or Jihoon.

“There’s so much blood,” the stranger was panicking, but Jihoon shushed him.

“It’s not mine,” he lied again, so believably that Joshua started thinking that maybe it’s really, somehow, not his, even though he watched it drip from his veins. Even the way he handled his broken arms, torn shirt barely covering the worst of damage, almost seemed normal. “I’m good.”

“Are you sure? You look-”

“Seokminnie,” Jihoon cut him off and took a deep breath. “I’m fine. Why are you here?”

The man addressed as Seokmin straightened up from where he was fussing over Jihoon. The hesitant glance he threw back to the unconscious man in the chair was full of meaning, but all of it hidden from Joshua. Once the stranger started looking around, Joshua decided to hide his blood covered arms behind himself. He wasn’t sure why he wanted to help Jihoon sell his lie, but he was willing to write that up to guilt.

“You two know each other?” The pink hair asked from where he was unhurriedly undoing the ties holding the unconscious man to the chair.

“I’m half the reason he’s here,” Jihoon confessed, voice small, even smaller than when he would talk to Jeonghan.

“And your friend’s the other half, I suppose,” pink hair mused back. “Well, Jihoon, you’re the entire reason now.” 

Seokmin was hesitant to approach the main source of commotion. “Is Doyoon…” He didn’t finish his question.

“Dead, yeah,” pink hair nodded. He didn’t seem to care much, more busy with trying to fix his hair with a little shake of his head, and then rearranging the strands of his fringe into perfection. “He didn’t pass the vibe check.”

Joshua thought he’s the only sane person in the room for letting out a short, sharp laughter. He received stares as if he was the crazy one, though, and quickly averted his gaze, apologetic. Pink hair didn’t seem to mind, though, and simply directed his attention to Seokmin again.

“What I’m saying is he bit off a little more than he could chew. I’m hoping you won’t make the same mistake.”

Seokmin shook his head, motion slightly messy with how his body started trembling. When the corpse was untied, dark and handsome simply threw it over his shoulder in a practiced move, and it seemed like Seokmin wanted to say something, do something, but in the end he just hesitated and moved a couple of steps back.

With the corner of his eye, Joshua noticed Jeonghan giving Jihoon a clean shirt. Where he got it from, Joshua had no idea. As Jihoon put it on, slowly but surely, Jihoon realized his arms were pretty much functional, only slightly bending in weird places, most of the open gashes closed up.

“Jihoon?” Pink hair only spoke when Jihoon was covered up. “Take care of this buddy of yours, alright? Lead him out, preferably.”

“Of course,” Jihoon answered and in a few swift strides got right to Seokmin’s side. What they spoke between themselves next Joshua couldn’t make out, and with a sigh he stopped trying to understand.

The thick and wet fog in his brain was softly settling, making room for understanding. Thoughts about what to do next, where to go next, about the nature of Jeonghan’s agreement on putting on a show were queueing up for his attention, demanding answers, but he didn’t have many. He simply watched everyone leave, save for the three men still tied to the chairs. Their muffled cries were but a background noise for Joshua.

Jeonghan approached him, no glint in his eye, no sly smirk dancing on his lips. No tell-tale sign of him knowing the answer to the questions Joshua didn’t yet ask. It was a strange look on him, Joshua thought.

“I heard his heartbeat through the wall as they were coming,” he muttered as if that was what Joshua was most curious about.

"Jihoon heard him?" 

"I guess," Jeonghan nodded.

A silence stretched out between them. Joshua could hear the buzzing of the ceiling lights and the muffled sobs, and Jeonghan’s shallow, slow breathing. It was making him worried, unsettled, as if he would get attacked any second, watched from behind and preyed upon. The lack of adrenaline rush was glaring, leaving him empty, heavy, and wondering if it was simply because he didn’t get to fuck Jihoon, or if it was a result of something harder, darker, more nuanced. 

"Get yourself cleaned up before you leave," Jeonghan gestured at one of the previously unused doors.

Joshua went in obediently, to discover a sink, a coiled hose and a small towel closet, completely unfitting the psycho basement vibes. He cleaned his arms as well as he could without wetting his clothes, and ruined a perfectly white towel when wiping off the residual blood from his face. When he returned to Jeonghan, still rolling his sleeves back down, he barely received a glance from the man.

“Let’s go,” was all Jeonghan said before twirling around on his heel and leaving the room, then the corridor, then the club. Only when they emerged onto the dark, rainy street did Joshua realize he must have left his coat in the basement, on one of the sofas, long time ago. He decided against asking after it. Not when Jeonghan was already a few steps away from the entrance, slowly making his way down the street, swiping away at his phone.

Joshua grabbed him by the wrist. The look of annoyance he got in return was only slightly unpleasant.

“Go with me? To the hotel,” he asked, only after blurting the words out realizing how much he wanted Jeonghan to agree and how severely he expected to be turned down. Between his question and Jeonghan’s answer, he didn’t make any plans for what to say next.

“Okay,” he heard back, dry and cold. “Get the cab.”

Perhaps to a rejection he’d find an answer sooner, Joshua pondered as he sent out his location, demanded a service, input a Gangnam address all in silence. It arrived quickly, not leaving Joshua with much time to stare off into the pitch black sky and feel the chill seep into his bones. Not even enough time for Jeonghan to finish his cigarette.  As they drove away, light dim in the back seats, Joshua was glad the specks of blood were barely visible on his black shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Jeonghan's jacket is from Alexander McQueen's Jack the Ripper Stalks His Victims colleciton. You'll (hopefully) know which it is one when you see it.  
> If this chapter seems all over the place it's because it was written in bits and pieces across the span of 8 months so like, yeah. I hope you can enjoy this little (big?) monster all the same though. I hope you can't see a jarring difference in my writing style or something. Quite some new faces, huh? Only some of them are here to stay. If you want to try and guess the unnamed characters, go ahead, I encourage you. There aren't any rewards other than my sincere respect. Catch me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/voguelight) and [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.qa/voguelight) if you wanna like yell at me or ask me questions. 
> 
> Or just leave a comment <3

**Author's Note:**

> catch me on twitter @voguelight to express you concerns and or love


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